Sunday, October 7, 2012

Digital Cuttlefish amazes audiences at Shedd Aquarium


Digital Cuttlefish in a rare publicity photo
Digital Cuttlefish, the first cybernetically enhanced cuttlefish and famed blogger, started his run of poetry readings at Shedd Aquarium to rave reviews.

“I’m listening to this fish with an excellent command of the English language, and I realize that can only write in txt-speak.”  Said Eric Z. Norman.  “DC has shown me how much the human race sucks, and what we can aspire to be.  Thanks DC!”

Normally a shy creature who limits his public exposure to posts on the controversial Freethought Blogs Network, Digital Cuttlefish agreed to perform a series of secret shows at Shedd.  Select audiences are treated to readings of his poetry, as well as his commentary about science, politics and religion.

“He may be a cephalopoda,” said Carl K. Marcus, a spokesperson for Shedd, “but he understands the importance of science communication.  His implants have forever altered his perception of life and the universe we live in.  We’re honored that he’s sharing those perceptions with us this month.”

Eyewitnesses say Digital Cuttlefish’s two hour readings include many of his science poem, like this one:

Though it promised us trips through the stars, Cryogenics, and yes, flying cars, Science fiction must bow To our science facts now… That’s the word from our robot on Mars.

The readings also include his works on religion, including:

There’s this church, and there’s that church And there’s seven more in town And they disagree on what God thinks— His will can’t be nailed down
My pastor tells me “God says this” My neighbors say he’s wrong My relatives have different views But mostly get along
For every view their God supports A thousand are dismissed… We’d have to work it our ourselves If God did not exist.
Said one anonymous audience member, “Its words are so wrong, but they sound so right.”

During one reading, an offended audience member tried to charge the stage.

“This is why shellfish are an abomination!”  He allegedly shouted.  Eyewitness say Digital Cuttlefish hide in ink cloud while the man was escorted out by security.  He then emerged from the cloud, composed a poem in front of the audience, read the poem, then talked about the blog post he was going to write about the incident.

“I would have left the stage, but Digital Cuttlefish didn’t.”  Said an audience member who asked not to be identified.  “Cuttlefish may be shy, but they sure are brave.”

Behind the scenes, Shedd staff members say that Digital Cuttlefish is a pleasure to work with, and some have described having near spiritual experience with him.

Jill, which is not her real name, described one such experience while cleaning one of Digital Cuttlefish’s tanks.

I could hear him over the speaker singing, ‘Do Be Do Be Do Be Do.’  I thought he was just singing in his native language. Then I wondered if he was really reciting a mantra.  Maybe DC thinks he exists in a state of doing and being.  I wondered what that would be like.  So I closed my eyes and let DC’s words overwhelm me.  So I found myself in new world.  A world where love and identity wasn’t tied to gender and men can hold purses.  Where voices spoke the truth about a distant land.  A world grounded in science but motivated by the heart.  Where men and women fight for the truth from different prospectives.  Where the winds from the North only bring enlightenment, and not cold.  A world of moving pictures and alien skies.  In the winds from the South, voices from the past direct me to a hill.  A man on top of the hill said don’t look at him.  Look at the sky.  I looked up, expecting to see a blagging spirit, but instead, I saw stars.  Billions of stars.  I realized that I was in a universe that was far greater than any God humanity could imagine.  Though it didn’t care about me, I could accept it.  Because this  universe is all there is, and all I would ever need.  I felt at peace.  Then I opened my eyes, and realized that I was only attracted to women and my job stinks.  Still, it felt great to touch the freethought universe, if only for a little bit.  Thanks Digital Cuttlefish!

Digital Cuttlefish will be performing at Shedd Aquarium until October 31.  Kylie Sturgess will join him for a special Halloween show.  Then he will return to his home off the coast of Australia.

Also in The Babbler:

Bolingbrook refuses to build landfill over gateway to hell
Psychics still predict state championship for The Raiders
Watch Dogs of Bolingbrook denies hiring zombie reporters
God to Smite Bolingbrook on 10/10/12


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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