Sunday, August 26, 2012

UFO pilots to fly missing craft formation over Bolingbrook on Wednesday

By Reporter X

Twenty-seven UFOs will a missing craft formation over Bolingbrook in memory of Neil Armstrong, the first human to walk on the moon. He died on August 25 after having heart surgery earlier in the month.

“Neil Armstrong is a true pioneer who is recognized around the galaxy.”  Said Paul X. Zimmons, spokesperson for Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO base.  “It is fitting that our visitors would want to honor him in this manner.”

The crafts will launch from Clow around 11:48 PM and slowly fly over all of Bolingbrook.  Those with truly open mind should be able to see through the cloaking devices.

Koldo Poxgo, from the Quartis Republic, organized the flyover.  

“I know I’m close to Earth when I pickup the TV transmissions from his lunar landing.”  Said Poxgo.  “It still bring a tear to my nose when I see him stepping off his primitive craft.  It took real bravery to float into that craft, let alone land it.  I want to honor his memory.”

Though well known for the Apollo 11 mission in 1969, Armstrong also commanded a diplomatic mission 1973 to meet with leaders of the Martian Colonies.  Despite several sabotage attempts, a surprise attack, and a traitor on board, the Gagarin One Mission resulted in a 100 year cease fire with the colonies.  All passengers and crew survived the mission.

“There are few humans we respect, and Neil Armstrong was one of them.”  Read a statement from The Martian Colonies.  The colonies also reaffirmed their commitment to the cease fire.  

“We hope the human race will still be worthy of his efforts in 2073.”

Armstrong never tried to cash in on his reputation, both public and covert.  The Martian Colonists offered to inject him with nanites that would allow him to live forever.  He declined.

“He said he liked his body, but thanked us for the offer.”  Said an anonymous Martian Colonist who claims to have met Armstrong.

Armstrong also turned down offers to join the New World Order and the Illuminati.  He told them, according to connected sources, that he already held too many secrets, and just wanted to live a normal life with his family.

While he was able to live a normal life, his landing on the moon and Mars mission changed the galaxy’s perception of humanity.

Explained Interstellar Historian Klack Glaun, “Landing on your moon proved to the Interstellar Community that humans could take a break from watching sitcoms, taking drugs, rioting, and listing to rhythmic noise, they could achieve great things.  Some of us wanted to encourage humans to do more science, so they set up the modern skeptical movement.  Others wanted to discourage humanity, so they sought to pump more drugs, hate, and loud music into your culture.  Disco was their worst weapon against humanity.”

Glaun also added that the moon landing was a sign that interplanetary bases needed to use better camouflage.  

“Today, our bases are so well disguised, only Richard Hoagland can recognize them!”

Armstrong’s family released the following statement following his death:

For those who may ask what they can do to honor Neil, we have a simple request. Honor his example of service, accomplishment and modesty, and the next time you walk outside on a clear night and see the moon smiling down at you, think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink.

Also in The Babbler:

Chicago Police win major battle against zombies
Bolingbrook Chamber of Commerce: Babbler will never be a member business again!
Ohio Bigfoot was really a lost alien
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/30/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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