Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sources: Thunderf00t to go after College of DuPage’s Jill ‘n Salam

An alleged graphic from a future Thunderf00t video.

After ranting against creationists, libertarians, Muslims, feminists and Freethought Blogs, controversial Internet personality Thunderf00t could be setting his sights on College of DuPage spokespersons Jill and Salam.

A supporter, who asked to be called Jake, said he brought Jill and Salam to Thunderf00t’s attention.  He thought he might get a laugh from COD’s radio campaign.

“He been taking a lot of flack for re-inviting himself to the private Freethought Blogs e-mail list.  Come on, haven’t you been in a situation where you were kicked out of your girlfriend’s house, but you still had a key to get in?  Just like she can’t complain when you steal her diary and send pages to your friends, they can’t complain because he forwarded their private e-mails to others.  Anyway, I thought he was feeling down, so I told him about the ads, and how strange it was that they used someone with an Arabic name.  This is DuPage County.  We’re all American here.  Why would they use an Islamist name?”

To the Chicagoland public, Jill and Salam are known for their COD radio ads.  Public documents show that the COD designed the ads to increase their “cool factor” among traditional college age students.  The ads tout the college’s fun activities, number of courses, and affordability.

When told about the campaign, Thunderf00t, according to Jake, became enraged.  Jake said he doesn’t “drop docs,” but did give this reporter an excerpt from his e-mail.

“These two YOUNG WOMEN are the part of the FEMINIST/ISLAMIC alliance to bring down academia!!!!!!!!!!!!!.  I always wondered why Maryam Namazie and stephanie zvan were on THE SAME BLOGNETWORK!  Now it is clear to me, and I must ACT BEFORE FTB TAKES AWAY MY JOB, MY REPUTATION AND MY INTERNET ACCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Blake, who also asked that we not use his real name, says that Thunderf00t is working on a video “exposing” COD’s role in “destroying free thinking in the name of diversity.”  Blake also said that he “doesn’t drop docs,” but did give The Babbler an excerpt from the video, “which technically isn’t a document.”

In the video, which consists of graphics and time lapses of the night sky, Thunderf00t launches surprising strong attacks against COD and the spokespersons.

“Knowledge is the only thing that separates humanity from the other animals.  Denying others access to knowledge is this ultimate act of dehumanization.  DuPage County is now the home to an unholy duo determined to lead the county into the dark age.  While the county board nobly fights to keep mosques out, COD unleashes these two women of the dis-enlightenment.  Jill, who brags about the opportunities that COD offers, but fails to mention that those opportunities come at a cost to the people who have the privilege of being born white and male.  Salam, who’s name means peace, but what kind of peace?  The peace of the enlightenment created by good men, or the peace that comes from the submission to the god of a perverted prophet!  One that would deny good, skeptical, enlightened men the right to nibble on a young woman’s legs!  I challenge both of you to a debate!”

Chris, who asked that we not use his real name, says he helped Thunderf00t prepare for the “eventual debate” with Jill and Salam.  Like the others, he “doesn’t drop docs,” but said it was OK to release a transcript from the debate preparation because, “I’m starting to think that TF isn’t as enlightened as I’ve been lead to believe.”

Part of the transcript reads, “Salam!  I have a chart!  This chart shows that the overwhelming majority of my fans, who have only seen my video, agree with my position.  How do you respond?”

Sources at COD laughed then refused to comment publicly.  Though one did give The Babbler a copy a video they will release of ThunderF00t starts a campaign against COD.

In the video, Jill and Salam are sitting in front of a web cam in a bedroom.

Jill:  Hey, Salam.  Did you know that Thunderf00t is flaming us on the Internet?
Salam:  What?
Jill:  Yeah.  He says that I’m a radical feminist and you’re a radical muslim.  
Salam:  No way!
Jill:  I know.  He’s such a skeptical hipster.  First of all, just because I read Teen Skepchick, doesn’t mean I’m a radical feminist.
Salam:  Second, my religious beliefs are none of your business.  You know what they say about assuming.
Jill:  College of DuPage helps the Chicago community by offering a diverse selection of courses to diverse student body to create a diverse workforce that will shine on in DuPage!
Salam:  So here’s the deal, Phil Mason.  You stop making comments about us, and we won’t comment about a certain part of your male anatomy.  
Jill:  We don’t drop docs, but we can point to links.
Salam:  So you just go back to teaching your classes, and we’ll go back to studying at COD.
Jill:  Where I will save up to $32,798 dollars on a public university degree
Salam:  Or up to $66,775 on a private university degree
Jill:  Your actual savings may vary.  Hit it, Salam!
(Salam presses the play button on an MP3 player.  The two dance to their theme song.)
When asked to comment, Thunderf00t said he had never heard of Jill and Salam.  He also demanded that before he answered any more questions, The Babbler host his 30 hour video in which he criticizes every member of The Freethought Blogs network.  The Babbler declined.

Also in The Babbler:

Soviets declare cease fire in weather war against Chicago
Radioactive meteor misses Bolingbrook Golf Club
Chicago tries to persuade Michy to pose for pictures
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/14/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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