Sunday, August 19, 2012

Babbler announces The 2012 Valley View Student To Look Up To

With all the talk about school bullying, poor grades, and how doomed Generation Y is, The Babbler likes to start of each school year with a positive example.  A student everyone in Bolingbrook can look up to.  So the next time you read an editorial saying administrators are paid too much, or students know too little, just remember 2012’s Valley View 365u Student to Look Up To.

Fourteen year old Chad Z. Thilmany will be a freshman this year at Bolingbrook High School, and he’s already made history.  Thilmany is Bolingbrook’s first official dowser.  

Thilmany learned the art of finding things using sticks or rods from his father when he was 10.  His father, who works for Molex, dowses as a hobby, and thought it would be a good activity to share with his son.

“I didn’t like getting away from my video games at first.”  Said Chad.  “Then I found my first waterhole, and it was awesome!  Better than Zelda, because it was real!  I unlocked a real life achievement.”

When Chad picks up the bent two metal hangers, he says the feels the energy of the Earth pulling him towards whatever he is looking for.

“God gave us this gift to find water and the intelligence to figure out how to create tools to use that gift.”  Said Chad.  “I feel so blessed whenever I find something using God’s gift.”

Chad’s big break came over the summer.  According to Chad, he accompanied his father on a golf outing at The Bolingbrook Golf Club.  Chad doesn’t play golf, but did help his father’s group find their lost golf balls. 

While searching for a ball, he says Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar drove up to him in his private golf cart.  Claar, according to Chad, asked him what he was doing.  Chad explained.  Claar pulled a golf ball out of his bag, and asked if he could find it.  Instantly, the rods turned towards the ball.  Claar then asked if Chad could find water.  Again, rods reacted, and pointed towards the 15th hole.

Claar smiled, and said that Bolingbrook could use a young man like him.  He explained that The Northern Will County Water Agency needed backup plans in case they could annex a water transmission pipeline from Lake Michigan.

“If summers are going to get worse, we need to be able to find all the water we can.”  Chad claimed Claar told him.  “A young man with your talents could save our taxpayers from dehydration, or migrating to wetter communities.”

Claar then declared Chad to be Bolingbrook’s official water dowser.  He told Chad that he couldn’t tell any media outlet about this, except The Babbler.

“No one believes The Babbler.”  Claar told Chad.

Chad said he is concerned that he will be targeted by The Watchdogs of Bolingbrook.

“They may bully me because I work for Roger.”  Said Chad.  “But they’ll shut up once they have to rely on me to find drinking water.  I am honored and humbled that my God given talent will be used to save the lives of Bolingbrook residents!”

Claar denies that Bolingbrook has an official dowser, but that won’t stop The Babbler from naming Chad Thilmany 2012’s Student To Look Up To.

Also in The Babbler:

Bonnie plans October Surprise against Mayor Claar
Aliens divided over Skeptical Civil War
Zombies kept out of Bolingbrook Jubliee
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/21/12.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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