Sunday, July 22, 2012

Sagan Dragons return to Bolingbrook

After 15 years, Bolingbrook has a new infestation of Sagan Dragons.

Sagan Dragons are invisible fire breathing dragons that produce no heat, leave no tracks, and are able to avoid every possible physical test.  Some produce evidence, but never when a skeptical observer is around.  First described by Carl Sagan in his 1997 book, “The Demon-Haunted World,” people who encounter these dragons just know they are present.

John Kregger of Bolingbrook is one of many people in the last week who believes a Sagan Dragon is in his garage.

“I just went into my garage, and it was hot.”  Said Kregger.  “Hotter than it should have been.  Then I remembered that old Babbler article and realized that I have Sagan Dragon in my garage.”  Kregger has been leaving food out for the dragon in hopes that it will not attack his family.  While he leaves the garage door open, the door into his house is locked.

“I hope it will get bored and leave.  I’m getting tired of telling my neighbors I have a dragon, and them giving me funny looks.”

Since the start of the recent summer heat wave, reports to The Babbler of Sagan Dragons have skyrocketed.  Many believers say they feel heat spots, or hear strange noises, yet these signs vanish when others are present.

Despite the reports, The Skeptical Teacher is unconvinced.

“The point of Carl’s story was how to deal with phenomena in the face of very little evidence.  He said to consider it unproven until new evidence comes in.  Guys, he didn’t really think there were dragons in people’s garages.  Maybe the residents of Bolingbrook need to inoculated from pseudoscience and I’m happy to help!”

When asked about neutrinos, he replied, “They barely exist but we can detect them.  There is more evidence for their existence than for ghosts, the Loch Ness Monster or your dragons.  That’s saying something!” 

Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar was even more blunt.

“We went through this back in 1997!  If something can’t be physically detected, doesn’t interact with reality, and isn’t a part of reality, then it doesn’t exist!  Just like your journalistic credibility!”

Next week, the newsstand edition of The Babbler will include a special insert with instructions on how to remove Sagan Dragons from your home.  Until then, all Bolingbrook residents are urged to keep their garage doors closed to prevent a dragon from entering.  Residents should also keep the garage door locked if they suspect they have a dragon in the garage.  Experts say there is no case of a Sagan Dragon killing a human, but warn that it could happen.  If you need to get into a garage with dragon, bring a skeptic with you.

Also in The Babbler:
Anti-psychic Kitty resigns from the JREF
Clow UFO Base braces for Olympic watching parties
BED conference delayed to 2013
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/27/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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