Sunday, July 15, 2012

Footage Romney contradicts Romney’s claim he never spoke with aliens

By Reporter X

The Bolingbrook chapter of Aliens for Ron Paul released footage showing Mitt Romney meeting with a Martian Colonial ambassador. Contradicting Romney’s claim that he has never met with an alien.

“Romney is a liar!”  Said Zeboop, president of the Bolingbrook chapter.  “He says he has only met with humans, but Clow (UFO Base) security has thousands of videos of him meeting with Interstellar beings!  Now we force humanity to stone him for lying, but we can forcefully suggest that they replace him with a sensible human like Ron Paul!”

The picture, dated July 2003, allegedly shows Mitt shaking hands with Martian Colonial Ambassador Cliqeck Beglook.  This directly contradicts Romney’s claim to The Babbler in February that, “I have never knowingly spoken to an interstellar being.”

A Romney staffer, who asked not to be identified, responded that Romney didn’t technically tell an untruth.

“Mars is within our solar system, so he was technically right.  They aren’t interstellar aliens.  They’re our interplanetary neighbors.  And no, he was not acting on behalf of Bain Interstellar Capital, he was a concerned citizen trying to save the souls of an ancient civilization.”

When pointed out that the Martian Colonists are from another galaxy, the source replied, “Well that still doesn’t make them interstellar aliens, does it.  It makes them intergalactic, which is different from interstellar!”  The source later called back and said that because the colonists settled on Mars, it “retroactively” made them residents of the solar system, and not “interstellar beings.”

Zeboop demanded that Clow officials release all the security tapes of Romney.  He also claimed that Romney spoke with more than one alien race.

“Unless he’s redefining the solar system to include the entire galaxy, then Mitt Romney lied!  Ron Paul!  Ron Paul!  Ron Paul!”

When contacted by The Babbler, Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar replied, “We are certainly taking these claims seriously.  By seriously trying to find who leaked the photos to the Ron Paul aliens!  I will be so glad when this campaign is over and Mitt is either elected or appointed President!”

When The Babbler called Romney headquarters, a Romney spokesperson replied, “Our advise to President Obama is to stop campaigning on Obamacare, apologize for forcing it into law, and admit that Romney would be a better president than he is.”

A Paul spokesperson said, “This is why Dr. Ron Paul only partially suspended his campaign.  Now the party can decide if they want to nominate someone who wants to lower taxes on the rich and not regulate the banks, or do they want to nominate Mitt Romney?”

The receptionist for the Obama Campaign said their “Babbler expert” was promoting vaccination in hostile environment, and would be back later this week.

The Martian Colonial Consoulate did not reply to this reporter’s interview requests.

Also in The Babbler:

Clow UFO Base to celebrate Surly Amy Day
Exclusive: JREF to lose interstellar ambassadorship
Weredeer protest Taste of Chicago
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/18/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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