Sunday, June 24, 2012

Australian journalist detained then released at Clow Airport

File photo from Australia's ABC
By Reporter X

Clow Airport security detained Australian journalist Maynard after he was accused of accosting a visiting family.

According to sources, the family was walking towards the Illinois Aviation Museum when Maynard ran towards them.

“I saw the look of horror on his face, and I was worried.”  Said Joan, a long time Bolingbrook resident.  “What could Clow possible have that would scare someone?”

According to Joan, Maynard looked at her daughter, and asked if Joan and her husband Robert were her parents.  Robert replied that they were.
According to Robert, Maynard, who also reports for The Skeptic Zone podcast, screamed, “You have to cover her eyes!  There are naked aliens here!”

Said Joan, “When I realized he was someone who believes The Babbler, I really became scared.”
Joan said she screamed, and Robert approached Maynard.  Maynard, according to the couple, waved his hands and backed away.  

“You don’t understand!”  Maynard allegedly said.  “There’s an alien sex exposition here!  If you don’t cover her eyes, she may see things that can’t be unseen!  What is wrong with security here?”

Almost on cue, security officers tackled Maynard and handcuffed him.  

“Protect the girl’s innocence.”  Protested Maynard.  “Do you what you want with me.  No!  Don’t!  Just protect her from the naked aliens!  I’ll sacrifice myself by looking at them for her.”

Joan said, “I’m so glad they took him away.  Security was really polite to us, and management even offered me a “Roger Treatment” coupon.  We turned it down, but thanked them.  I’m going to call Roger and tell him that I fully support the village owning Clow Airport!”

Contacts within Clow say Maynard was very cooperative once he was detained.  Maynard, according to the sources, explained that he was in the United States for The Amazing Meeting and had a few weeks to kill.  He had heard that Sexpo was hosting an interstellar sex convention in Bolingbrook, and he wanted to check it out.

Richard Saunders and Dr. Rachie get to meet aliens since they’re important in the skeptical movement.”  Maynard allegedly said.  “But since I’ve publicly stated that I think UFOs could be real, they won’t let me meet the aliens in Australia.  It doesn’t seem right.”

Other sources say that a Man in Blue met with Maynard.  These sources say they MiB told Maynard that Clow UFO Base was really hosting a comparative biology conference.  While there would be pictures of aliens sex organs, and some holographic images of mating rituals from around the galaxy, the conference was not “erotic in nature.” The MiB said that while Saunders could provide Maynard with a temporary pass, this convention would not be worth his time.  Besides, it would have to be wiped from his mind and he would never remember being there.

Maynard apologized to the MiB and to Clow's staff, say the sources.  He explained that he was only worried about the girl’s well being, and knew to talk to parents about his concerns.  Maynard also stated that he wouldn’t touch the girl, or “do something stupid,” like offer her a ride in his rented car.

After three hours, security decided to release Maynard.  He was also invited to report on the Village Picnic, as long as he didn’t disturb any attendees.  He was also promised an interview with Mayor Roger Claar, as long as the interview makes “Roger look good, and The Babbler look bad.”

When reached by The Babbler, Saunders laughed, and yelled, “Maynard!  You lucky dog!  Those Chicago crazies think you went to an alien Sexpo!”

Maynard then got on the phone, and denied the story.

“I am going to go to the US only to attend TAM, where I will meet my fans, and make new friends.  I promise to be respectful to everyone there.”

“Me too!”  Added Saunders.

Also in The Babbler:

Bigfoot believers to female skeptics: Join us.  We need more Bigfoot lures!
Weredeer assured no venison will be served at Village Picnic
Reporter X to Topix: I am not covering the George Smith trial!
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/28/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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