Sunday, May 20, 2012

‘Mun’ convention draws controversy in Chicago

Should feminist men call themselves “mun” instead?  In Chicago, a convention of so-called “mun” presented their argument against “men.”

“For centuries, men have perpetuated sexism against women.”  Exclaim Sean Fairmore, president of the Society of Mun.  “We have contributed to this oppression for too long by calling ourselves ‘men.’  I, I mean we, say that it is time to join our fellow ‘womyn’ and renounce ‘manhood!’  If you are male, you don’t have to be a man.  Educate yourself and become a ‘mun!’”

At the convention, 200 males and some female partners attended speeches and workshops on how to become a “mun” or improve one’s “mun” status.  According to the speakers, a mun is a male who rejects the “privilege” bestowed upon him by society.  By rejecting this privilege and working towards gender equality, a man can become a “mun.”

“Male privilege is kind of like original sin.”  Said Mark X. Anderson, a blogger who hopes to  start a “Mun’s Movement.”  “It is so engrained into you that you can’t just decide to stop being privileged.  You have work hard to educate yourself and let other ‘mun’ educate you.  Sure you will feel guilty at times, and need someone to relieve you of that guilt.  But in the end you will be the perfect feminist male, incapable of oppressing womyn!”

Members of the Chicagoans for Male Empowerment staged a protest outside the hotel.  

“These people are the worst!”  Said a man who asked to be identified as Mike.  “Women just want our jobs, our sperm, and our money.  These guys want to take away our manhood.  I am a man, and I will not be pushed around by a bunch of momma’s boys!”

About 10 “mun” confronted the protestors by chanting, “We’re not men, we are mun!”  After three minutes, the protest ended with a “mun” punching a Men’s Right Advocate.

“Sure it was wrong.”  Said “mun” who asked not to be identified.  “But he said I was weak because I called myself a ‘mun.’  That made me mad.  I shouldn’t have hit him.  So I guess I’ll need to educate myself more.”

Hotel security called the police.  When asked if the violence was related to the NATO summit, security said no.  The Chicago Police Department allegedly asked security to write down the names of everyone involved, and they would send an officer in two to four days.  Security instead decided to ask the protesters to leave, and gave a warning to the convention organizers.  The MRA promised that they would blog about the incident, and “we won’t hold back.”

Other “mun” frequented a row of booths where they could try to atone for their “male privilege.”  Most involved making donations to groups like Planned Parenthood or community blogs like Skepchick.

One particular section offered an “Internet based treatment” for “male privilege.”

Explained Social Worker Peter Z. Grim, “I direct attendees to our laptops and ask them to start reading Skepchick.  This site provides a human face to feminism.  Over time, they will see men attacking the Skepchicks.  This should anger the male reader.  Then I direct them to the Man Boobz bog where they laugh at the misogynists.  When they’re ready to start to look at their own sexism, I’ll direct them to The Good Men Project.  Then I take it to the next level and have them read the More than Men blog!”

A man sitting at one of the “Grim Tables” recoiled in horror from the laptop, revealing the More Than Men blog on the screen.  He jumped into the isles and started screaming.

“I hate my male privilege!” Cried the man.  After looking around, he found and grabbed a plastic food tray.  He then fell to the ground, spread his legs, and started hitting his groin with the tray.  Two of Grim’s associates rushed toward the man.

“Some people aren’t ready for the next level.”  Said Grim.

As for the rest of the convention, Fairmore conceded that there needed to be more speakers, and promised to correct the lack of female speakers.

“We shouldn’t have held this conference so close to the Women in Secularism conference.  We are, however, inviting more female speakers to next year’s conference.”

A smiling man walked into this room.  “I just invited two very good speakers!”  He beamed.

“Who?”  Asked Fairmore.

Miranda Celeste Hale!  She teaches rhetoric, loves poetry, and will be on a panel at TAM!”  Said the man.

“You mean the blogger who doesn’t believe in male privilege?”

The man stuttered.

“Who is the other person?”  Asked Fairmore.

“You mean Ashley Paramore.”

“No!”  Beamed the man.  “Ashley F. Miller!  She’s a blogger.”

“Never heard of her.”

“She’s a blogger, filmmaker, feminist, and she presented a great paper at TAM last year.”

“Was she invited back as a featured speaker?”

“Um, no.”  After a long uncomfortable pause, the man added, “She also plays a mean ukulele!”  

After a few seconds, the man’s smile withered against Fairmore’s glare.

The man said, “I was just thinking--”

“No!”  Said Fairmore.  “You weren’t thinking!  You know what part of your anatomy you were using!”

The man bowed his head.  “What blog should I read to atone for my manliness?”

Fairmore smiled.  “There is no need for such pain.”  He then handed the man a cat o’ nine tails.  “This will be much less painful.”

When reached for comment, a Planned Parenthood spokesperson doubted the existence of “mun” and hung up.

PZ Myers, a renowned feminist male, laughed at the so-called “mun.”

“You don’t have to give up being a man to be a feminist.  Just listen to what other women have to say, and help them have the same opportunities as men do.  It is not a zero sum game.  It is just common sense.  Now please excuse me as I have to do my part to stamp out religion!”

Also in The Babbler:

Chicago Police defeat anarchist zombie uprising
Dancing Nurses video goes viral across the Milky Way
Weredeer cancel protest of Taste of Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/25/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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