By Chris Olson
Publisher of The Bolingbrook Babbler
After the harrowing events of last week. I am please to announce that The Babbler is opening a a bureau in Chicago.
While we have covered Chicago events in the past, for the first time, we will have a team of reporters dedicated to uncovering Chicago paranormal secrets. While the Chicago Tribune and Sun-Times post joke articles about ghosts, we’ll be covering Chicago’s ghost political machine. While The Chicago Reader tries to be an “alternative publication,” we’ll be exposing the “alternative” stories used to cover up Chicago’s UFO sightings.
Some of our readers may be concerned that we will sacrifice our coverage of Bolingbrook. Don’t worry. There are plenty of stories in Bolingbrook that need to be covered, and we will maintain our tradition of being Bolingbrook’s first and only true tabloid.
We believe, however, that our readers need to be aware of the paranormal events in Chicago. One of Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s goal’s is to create a UFO base in Chicago, threatening Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO base status as the largest UFO base in the world. This could affect thousands of jobs in Bolingbrook. Chicago’s ghost political machine could try to spread its corrupting influence into the suburbs. I’m sure our Bolingbrook readers don’t want to be under the undead thumb of Richard Daley, Sr.
Our new Chicago readers might be interested in learning about Bolingbrook. Many don’t know that Bolingbrook is built on top of the remains of a pre-ice age industrial city. They might be surprised to hear that our Mayor Roger Claar is considered the most powerful village mayor in the Milky Way Galaxy. That should give Chicago residents a whole new prospective on Chicagoland politics.
I should also note that I find it odd that The Chicago Skeptics decided to hold an out of state concert the same weekend we opened our Chicago bureau. I hardly think that is a coincidence. So I’m extending our $5 Dollar challenge to The Chicago Skeptics. If you can debunk any of our stories at a meeting or on your web page, we’ll give you $5. Simple as that. Since The Skeptics Guide to The Universe, Skepchick, and The James Randi Educational Foundation haven’t been able to debunk us, I think you will find that it will not be as easy as you think it will be.
For those of you who asked, Anti-psychic Kitty is OK, and will now protect the Chicago Bureau from ghosts and the city’s psychic spies. He will have to get used to his new four legged roommates, but we think he’s up to the challenge.
So to our new Chicago readers, we say welcome, and check out both our print copies and our web page. As we also like to say around here, the truth is unbelievable!
Also in The Babbler:
Zombies to protest Necrophilia ban
Thousands of Clow aliens enjoy George Hrab simulcast.
Everyone quits Freethought blogs!
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/3/12
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.