Monday, March 12, 2012

Mayor Claar ends UFO political advertising ban


With almost a week to go before the Illinois Primary, UFOs flying over Bolingbrook can once again display political ads. Bolingbrook mayor and Clow administrator Roger Claar signed an order lifting the weeks old ban.

Officials at The Department of Interstellar Affairs deny that action is related to Claar’s support for Mitt Romney’s campaign.

Said spokesperson Paula Dylan, “It was inevitable that some visitors would violate the ban, and inevitably that would lead to inappropriate messages in our night sky, so faced with an inevitable message crisis, we decided to end our resistance, and embrace inevitably by legalizing and regulating political messages.”

According to anonymous sources, UFOs are still required to be cloaked, but in between cloaking cycles, eyewitnesses can observe the campaign signs on the underbelly of the craft.

Kludoo, owner of an interstellar ad agency, says the ads, while expensive, are effective.

“Sure not everyone will look up at the right time, but those who will look up are more open minded, and are more likely to follow the advice of a space alien.  You know, the whole ‘they can travel the stars, so they must know who I should vote for.’”

The campaigns are unaware of the ads, but alien sponsored super PACs are funding the ads.

Said Loik of the Universe for Romney, “He is the most Gleckgorian of your candidates.  Since I had a spare trillion credits, I decided to help him out.”

Rigocks from the Intelligent Beings for Smart Colonization, hopes to use his signs to defeat Newt Gingrich.

“He has great taste in pressurized carbons, but I don’t want another colony on the Moon.  Since I had some spare change, I decided to form a super PAC and prevent his annoying plan!”

Signs are appearing in Bolingbrook’s skies, sometimes with unexpected responses.

“I couldn’t decide who to vote for in the election.”  Said Bolingbrook resident Paul X. Preston.  “So I looked up to the sky and asked God for a sign.  Mitt’s logo appeared in the sky.  I figured this was the Devil playing a trick on me, so now I’m voting for Rick Santorum.”

When called for comment, Claar answered, “I am trying to think of a way to honor our missing troops.  I do not want to organize an M.I.A concert!  What I really want to do is.”  Claar than slammed the headset four times then said, “And hang up on you!”

Also in The Babbler:

Gingrich: I will not destroy Chicago if elected
Alien message in junk DNA: Copyright 109233!
Mold monster attacks skeptic’s car
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/17/12


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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