Sunday, February 5, 2012

Schrodinger’s cat terrorizes Chicagoland bloggers!

Rare photo of Schrodinger's cat

Several Chicago area bloggers report being attacked by Schrodinger’s cat!

“I wanted to write a post about quantum healing.”  Said a blogger from Higher State of Chicago blog. “Then this weird looking cat poped up in from of my computer and hissed at me.  I told him I wouldn’t make the post, and then it vanished.  Sure it was 3 am, but I know what I saw!”

Long denied by science, Schrodinger’s cat is an unfortunate cat who, as the result of a quantum mechanics experiment, is both alive and dead.  Some experts say that the experiment turned the cat into permanent quantum wave.  This allows the cat to appear at any location in the universe instantaneously.  

Adam, from the Chicago Nice Guys Blog, described a horrific encounter with Schrodinger’s cat.  He said he was trying to write a blog post about Schrodinger’s rapist, the belief that when a woman meets a male stranger, she is not sure of the man’s intentions.

“I was writing about how it is absolutely ridiculous that I can’t chat with a woman on the L or a dark alley without her worrying if I'm going to attack her.  Then this weird cat appears.  After I got over my fright, I saw that it was looking at the screen.  I had just typed ‘Schrodinger’s rapist.’  Then it looked at me.  I said, ‘What’s it to you?  Schrodinger’s rapist is unfair to all nice guys!’”

After arguing with the cat for a several seconds, things turned ugly.

“I told it that it was obviously a man-hating female cat who only wants human girls to date jerks!  Next think I know, it scratched both sides of my face at once.  With only one paw!  I figured if it could do that, it could scratch my internal organs and kill me!”

Adam deleted the term “Schrodinger’s rapist,” and the cat vanished.

“I’m still right about women, but I will make sure never to invoke the wrath of Schrodinger’s cat!”

When asked to comment, the Chicago Animal Care and Control receptionist laughed and hung up the phone.

Physicists doubt the eyewitness reports of Schrodinger’s cat.  

In a form e-mail to The Babbler, Ethan Siegel replied, “Schrodinger’s cat was a thought experiment, not a real one.  No cats were ever harmed.  Even if someone tried the experiment, it wouldn’t work because geiger counter and the cat would count as observers.  So the cat would either be alive or dead.  Not both!  Please read my blog more carefully before sending me an e-mail!”

Bloggers from outside of the Chicago area deny seeing the cat after writing about about Schrodinger’s rapist.

“Wow!”  Said Natalie Reed, from Sincerely Natalie Reed.  “What do they put in Bolingbrook's water supply to make you come up with a story like that?

During the Skype conversation, an air horn sounded in the background.

“Hey Natalie!”  Someone screamed.  “It’s Crommunist!  I’m shuffling towards you!”  This was followed by loud shuffling sounds and Crommunist's assurances that he was safe.

“Now that’s over the top!”  Screamed Reed.

Also in The Babbler:

Bolingbrook police assure public as blue goo falls from the sky
Mayor Claar: No political ads allowed on UFOs
Bolingbrook to crack down on sky noise
God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/8/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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