By Reporter X
Famed British evolutionary biologist and outspoken atheist Richard Dawkins was treated at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base for a “slavery gene.”
“Professor Dawkins is recovering from emergency gene therapy.” Said spokesperson Roberta Franson. “After all he has done for to promote evolution among humanity, the least we could do was respond to his request to change his genetic code.”
Sources say that during an interview with The Sunday Telegraph, Dawkins learned that some of his ancestors owned slaves in Jamaica. The revelation so shocked Dawkins, that he later contacted MI12 and demanded to be taken to Clow UFO Base for genetic treatment. The sources say that he wanted to have his latent “slavery gene” reprogramed.
“I think it is telling that Professor Dawkins could have had free treatment at any of Britain's UFO bases.” Said Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar. “Instead he choose to come to the largest urban UFO base in the world, located in America! He was willing to be probed in exchange for the excellent treatment he received here.”
The same sources say Dawkins came to Clow on the recommendation of noted atheist Professor PZ Myers. The professor, according to the sources, has worked with alien scientists to give them a better understanding of human genetics.
“Sure, they publicly disagree about the evolution of extraterrestrial intelligence.” Said one source. “Really, they’re good friends, and he trusts PZ Myers with his genetic code.”
When this reporter called The Richard Dawkins Foundation for confirmation, a man who claimed to be Dawkins answered the phone. He denied believing in UFOs, having a “slavery gene,” or ever visiting Bolingbrook, IL.
“You should read my blog post on this dreadful subject, and then take course in genetics.” Dawkins replied. “Then you will see that your publication is of the same lineage as The Telegraph. Maybe then you will decide that you are fit enough for a real job and leave me alone!”
When Myers was asked to comment, he simply replied, “I don’t care what you write about me, I will never link to your web page!”
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God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/23/12
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