Sunday, January 8, 2012

Anti-Rebecca Watson convention expects record crowds

Fueled by controversies surrounding Skepchick founder Rebecca Watson, organizers expect record attendance at this year’s AntiRebeccaWatsonCon.

“We’re going to have more than 50 people this year!”  Said founder Max Cornwall at an organizational meeting attended by this reporter.  “Two years ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed we would get this big.”  

Each year, critics of Watson gather in Lisle, IL to express their “aggressive dislike” of her.  The convention is free, but anyone who wants to speak has to pay a speaker’s fee.    

Last year, Watson posted a video criticizing a man who entered the elevator she was on, and invited her to his room.  This sparked what later became know as Elevatorgate.

“Any man should be able to go to an enclosed space and invite a drunk woman to his hotel room.”  Said Bob Z. McGill, one of the organizers.  “Hello, college spring break?”

A man who claimed to be a representative of the UNI Freethinkers and Inquirers, said Watson is too harsh towards women who disagree with her about Elevatorgate.

“All Stef did was make a small little blog post!”  Cried the man.  “Did Rebecca listen?  No!  She called her out in front of CFI!  She said that poor sweet innocent Stef was part of the problem!”  The man sobbed some more.  “I’m sorry, I can’t go on.  But just because you don’t agree with that woman, doesn’t make you a misogynist!”

Doug X. Paulson, another organizer, disagreed.

“Miswatsony leads to Misogyny.”  Said J.P. Truman.  “Sure you can hate Rebecca and still like women, but you’re not good at one of them.”

After a heated exchange, Cronwall calmed the organizers by saying they all agree that David Mabus should be barred from the convention.

“I can’t tell from his letter if he wanted to be the keynote speaker, or if he wanted to kill us.”  Said Cronwall.  “Why take the chance?”

Lydia Riversong then said that the organizers needed to be more diverse.

“We should also focus on Jen McCreight, Greta Christina, Stephanie Zvan, Ophelia Benson, and that bearded lesbian PZ Myers!  Rebecca is just part of a larger problem.”

Cornwall tabled the proposal, saying that it was important not to dilute the convention’s important issues.

After a short argument, the organizers voted to accept Abbie Smith’s application to be the keynote speaker.  Smith, through Skype, voiced her appreciation, and announced that she would also hold a special workshop.

“We’re going to come up with new names for Rebecca Watson!  I can’t wait to see if anyone can top Twatson!  This will be my answer to the Skepchicks’ angry vagina craft time!”

Bed Radford, who may be the focus of “dollgate,” also announced that he would speak at the convention.

“As sure as dolls have pink skin, the sky is purple, and Bigfoot is unproven, Rebecca Watson is wrong!  I can’t wait to elaborate on my rebuttal to Rebecca!”

Cornwall then announced that “Elevator Guy” will be at the convention.  He will host his special version of “The Dating Game” on a freight elevator.

“All the participants will sign waver forms.”  Cronwall assured the organizers.

Cornwall then commented on the evolution of convention.

“We used to have a large contingent of organizers who were so-called believers in ‘woo.’  This year, it seems the skeptics and atheists are leading the charge against Rebecca.”

After the meeting, an anonymous female organizer approached this reporter.

“Sure we have some sexism issues to work out, but that doesn’t mean Rebecca isn’t a (expletive deleted)!”

Also in The Babbler:

Military joins search for illegal South Elgin UFO base
Iran threatens Bolingbrook women who post without wearing burkas
Claar: We are not building a microwave weapon!
God to smite Bolingbrook on 1/13/12

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hate Rebecca Watson. I wish this was a thing instead of tepid satire.