By Reporter X
After meeting with the ambassador from the Martian Colonies at Clow UFO Base, Illinois Senator Barrack Obama briefly addressed the visitors and staff.
“There has been too much hatred between the Colonies and Earth.” Said Obama, “So I want to say, yes. Yes, we can compromise.”
Obama spent most of the speech explaining why the current course of Colonial/Earth relations is not sustainable.
“I want to change this discourse between our civilizations. We can change so that the colonies do not feel the need to destroy Earth. We can be the change that saves our planet.”
Obama also attacked “extremists on both sides” for the tense relations between the two worlds.
“Now some people in the New World Order, say, ‘Senator! You want to give the Colonies 95% of what they want before we start negotiating. Aren’t you betraying the human race?’ I say getting five percent of what you want is better than getting nothing. On our current course, they will give us nothing, and we will have nothing. There will be nothing left of Earth.”
Obama said that despite the criticisms, humanity will do what is best for its survival.
“I have the audacity to hope that the leaders on both worlds will turn away from the hateful path we are on. I hope that they will change course, and lead us on a path that will allow both our civilizations to share this blessed solar system.”
The crowd gave the senator a standing ovation as he called upon God to bless both civilizations. Clow staff members started chanting, “Yes, we can compromise!”
Obama’s speech even moved the normally stoic ambassador.
“Truly this is the best living speaker your civilization has! We were going to ask for 99% of what we wanted, but after this speech, we’ll only ask for 96% of what we want.”
The senator smiled, and replied, “Thank you. I will remember this the next time I am faced with a difficult negotiation. Compromise is the key!”
After the speech, Obama briefly spoke with Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar.
“Nice speech.” Said Claar. “You know, not that I should be giving you this advice, but you should considering shortening it a bit. Maybe take out a few words. Then you’ll have a great speech to give on the campaign trail.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Replied Obama.
“Don’t be too happy. Next time, we’ll run either an Illinois resident or a veteran or both against you.”
“I look forward to the challenge.”
“We’ll also bring up Reverend Jeremiah Wright.”
Obama smiled. “I doubt anyone will care about him.”
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