Thursday, September 1, 2011

Web exclusive: Greta Christina acts shockingly normal!

Greta Christina speaking at Reed College.
(From the Reed Secular Alliance web page)

Eyewitnesses around Naperville claimed to have seen gay atheist, sex activist, and blogger Greta Christina acting like a normal person.

Paul Z. Chambers, an employee at Anderson’s Bookshop, says he saw Christina enter the store with her partner.  

“I started to get worried when she walked towards me.”  Said Chambers.  “I thought she was going to ask me to show her to the 21 and over room.  I wasn’t sure if she was allowed in there.  My manager was out, and we don’t let just anyone in there.  I mean Naperville has a reputation to uphold, and that room doesn’t fit with our reputation.”

As Chambers worried about what Christina would write about him on her blog, she picked up a book about this history of Naperville.  Chambers nervously completed her purchase, also fearing that she might ask if they have copies of her books.

“This is a very nice bookstore!”  Christina allegedly said.  “It reminds me of the ones at home.”

Her partner and her then walked out of the store.

“I’ve never seen this side of her before.”  Said Chambers.  “Not that I read her blog regularly.  I mean, I am a resident of Naperville!”

Paulette, who works at Le Chocolat Du Bouchard, say he saw the couple enter the cafe.

“At first I was kind of mad because we were busy at the time, and it meant I’d have to serve more people.”  Said Paulette.  “Once I recognized Greta, then I got worried.  I guessed that she was going to try to buy all of our chocolate syrup and do who knows what?  Then she would blog about it.  What would the Internet think of our cafe?  What would they think of Naperville?  We have a reputation to uphold, and she isn’t the Naperville type!”

While Paulette fretted about how to turn down Christina’s possible request, the couple figured out how to order drinks, and sat down at a table.

“An hour later, Christina allegedly said, “There should be a place like this in San Francisco.  I’ll have to post about this wonderful experience!”

“Then I was disappointed.”  Said Paulette.  “If I had know she was going to act like a normal customer, I would have tried to up-sell her one of our cakes.”

Alecia, who works as a housekeeper in a Naperville hotel, claims she entered Christina’s room.

“I did the usual housekeeping knock as I entered.”  Said Alecia.  “Then I heard some noise in the bedroom.  So I started to walk out when Greta called out to me.”

According to Alecia, Christina approached her holding some dollar bills.  Alecia started to blush.

“I’m familiar with her blog.  I mean I’m familiar with people who read her blog.  I mean I know people who read her blog.  So, I thought she was going to ask me to act out one of her erotic stories.  I had to think how I could turn her down without offending her.”

Before she could say anything, Christina allegedly said, “You guys did a great job making the bed.  Here’s your tip!”

Alecia stared at the money for a few minutes, then explained that she had misunderstood her.  

Christina, according to Alecia, laughed.  “Well, there’s a time to blog, a time to lecture, a time for wild sex, a time to write books, and right now, it is time for us to catch a train to Chicago.  We can’t wait to go shopping on the Mag Mile!”

Alecia is still dumbfounded by the encounter.

“Who knew that a gay atheist sex activist from the West Coast could be so normal?”

When asked to comment, Christina denied visiting Naperville, and spent over 20 minutes plugging her new blog at Freethought Blogs.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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