Monday, September 19, 2011

Phony alien ambassador arrested at Clow UFO Base

By Reporter X

The Men in Black arrested Quom Bogoo at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base for impersonating an ambassador.  The arrest is sending shockwaves throughout Earth’s covert operators.

Bogoo, claimed to be an ambassador from the Bootes Void, a barren area of universe 700 million light years from Earth.  An alleged representative their “Science Web,” Bootes paid frequent visits to Earth’s scientists and science-based skeptics.  He was also the first visitor from the Bootes Void.

According to Mr. Brown, a spokesperson for the New World Order, said that after 50 years, they finally received a reply from their background check.

“They said they didn’t have a Science Web, didn’t have ambassadors, and that the being in question isn’t Quom Bogoo.”

Brown further explained that the real Bogoo was a scientist who died several thousand years ago.  This Bogoo’s discoveries lead to the destruction of thousands of galaxies, and the creation of the void.

“The 26 in the galaxies really valued their privacy.”  Said Brown.

Sources at Clow say that except for refusing to reveal his real name, Bogoo has cooperated with The New World Order.

“We don’t think he was trying to destroy our galaxy.”  Said one source, “But we can’t take any chances.”

The sources say Bogoo will be taken the Large Magellanic Cloud for further “enhanced questioning” by the Holy Light Empire.

“They’re very good at getting answers out of people.”

Covert scientists are still in shock over the arrest.

“I thought Boo Boo was helping me.”  Said a scientist who works at Fermilab.  “He dropped some hints that lead me to create a theory of warm dark matter.  Now I’m thinking he was just telling a dirty joke.”

Surly Amy, creator of Surlyramics, is still thankful towards Bogoo.

“When I was feeling depressed, he brought me up to his spacecraft.  It was so awesome, I wanted to leave the Earth forever and explore the universe.  Instead he told me about a group of humans, called skeptics, who would love my jewelry.  That was even more awe inspiring!  Humans could appreciate my work!”

Amy added, “Sure he fooled me, but as a skeptic, I know that I can be fooled, and that’s OK.  All humans can be fooled.  He may be punished for his crimes, but I’m glad he helped me turn my life around.”

D.J. Grothe, president of the James Randi Educational Foundation, said that although the foundation accepted Bogoo’s forged papers, he insists there was no security breach.

“As the official ambassadors to the interstellar skeptical movement,” Said Grothe, via Skype. “We understand the importance of confidence!  No one in the JREF, to my knowledge, provided Quom Bogoo with sensitive information.  Now to many skeptics that’s not acceptable.  So I have been forced to bring in my harshest skeptical critic.  I know that he will perform a through audit, and the results will resonate throughout the  knowledgable skeptical community!”

As Grothe talked, Jeff Wagg walked into view.

“Why is the K Monitor offline?  The Treaty of Boise specifically states that there must be a constant line of communication with the Council.  While I’m here, I need to ask you why you didn’t condemn PZ Myers on Nightline?  Before you answer, here’s my list of everything you did wrong at TAM 9!”

When The Babbler tried to reach James Randi, an assistant replied that he wasn’t available because he was going through customs.

In the background, a man who sounded like Randi said, “Of course I’m coming back to the US.  I have nothing to hide, and I’m not charged with anything.  Even if I were, do you honestly think there’s a jail in the world that can hold me?”

Also in The Babbler:

Ten percent of the Bolingbrook High School class of 1991 are weredeer.
Downers Grove teen proud of his proof of God
Park Districts bans sonar use in Hidden Lakes
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/22/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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