Monday, September 12, 2011

Clow tests ‘Airplane Suppression Unit’


By Reporter X
Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base officials confirmed the successful test of an “Airplane Suppression Unit.”  According to the officials, they used the device on a test plane shortly after it took off from the airport side of the base.  After reporting mechanical difficulties, the test pilot landed the plane in a nearby bean field.

After the “crash landing,” The Men in Blue towed the craft, and no eyewitnesses had to have their memories changed.  

“I didn’t think it was anything supernatural.”  Said Jennifer Parkinson.  “Just a plane crashing, which is unusual, fortunately.  Well, now that I think about it.  There was a funny looking cloud near by.  Maybe it was UFO.”

According to sources, the Airplane Suppression Unit, version 25.6 could be a major breakthrough in “covert deflection technology.”  Current ASUs have a high risk of causing catastrophic damage to airplanes.  Most aircraft that vanish over the Bermuda Triangle are the result of ASU disasters.

“The United States not only spends millions of dollars covering up these crashes,” said Paul Kimura, spokesperson for Bolingbrook’s Department of Interstellar Affairs, “They also have to spend millions of dollars protecting airplanes so the accidents don’t appear statically significant.  We can’t afford to do that any more!”

Scientists hope that the 25.6 will discourage pilots from flying into restricted space, but allow them enough time to reach an airport.

“This time the test pilot didn’t have enough time to reach the airport.”  Said Kimura.  “Our researchers just wanted to see if the unit would work.  Next time we’ll adjust the settings and see if the pilot can make it back.”

Clow officials were also pleased with how the mainstream media treated the test.  According to the officials, no reporters had to be intimidated or bribed.

Said one official, “It happened so fast, even the Bolingbrook Patch couldn’t take any pictures.  Sure they are an AOL affiliated web site, but people read it, and they are good at covering breaking stories in Bolingbrook.  They’ve been keeping us on our toes for the past year.”

Further tests will also not involve civilian pilots.

Also in The Babbler:

Anti-psychic Kitty: Glowing cats for science!
Pathways parade commission rejects ‘Roger sucks’ float
Ron Paul: Aliens didn’t write our Constitution!
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/15/11


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

4 comments:

perth airport long term parking said...

This is so funny. I read the whole article and I thought it was real until I read the last past.

Alissa said...

Cases like this only make it all the more necessary for aviation accident attorneys. Take care everyone.

Sam said...

They should probably test the device even more because you won't be sure it can help just by testing it once.

aviation attorney

rawi-warin said...

I still see no sense in further developing this Airplane Suppression Unit. It is just a waste of taxpayers money, and probably lives of test pilots if ever.