Thursday, August 4, 2011
Web Exclusive: Martian Colonies threaten to donate more money to Republicans
Minutes after NASA announced finding possible evidence of liquid water on Mars, the Martian Colonial Ambassador threatened President Barack Obama.
Sources agree that the ambassador told Obama to “withdraw your probes” or else the Martians would donate more money to the Republican Party.
“There is no force more destructive to your government, than the GOP!” Sources claim the ambassador said.
Under a treaty with the Martian Colonies, humans can send probes to Mars, but they cannot publish pictures that reveal colonies to the general public. Probes that were deemed “too sensitive” have been destroyed by the colonists.
Over the last decade, tensions have flared over photos showing liquid water on Mars. The colonists claim that the water comes from burst pipes supply water to the underground colonies. NASA claims the water is native to Mars, and thus with humanity’s right to photograph.
Though it is estimated that the colonists’ technology is thousands of years ahead of humanity’s, the colonists have recently started dabbling in human politics. Colonists are suspected to have donated to a million dollars to Mitt Romney recently. They are also suspected of being one of the cofounders of the Tea Party Movement.
Said a source within Clow UFO Base, “They believe that the Republicans will defund the James Webb Space Telescope and defund space exploration. By supporting the Republicans, they’ll save money on space travel and energy beams. I think NASA would rather be defunded than bombed.”
President Obama could not be reached for comment. An intern denied the claim, then yelled, “I’d rather talk to Fox News than these guys!”
Romney, who was about to give a campaign speech, told The Babbler, “Hey! You’re from Bolingbrook. Just a second. Hey, Bob! I’m I supposed to call Roger a great leader this time or call him a RINO? I lost track of my positions on him.”
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.