Thursday, August 18, 2011

Web Exclusive: Illinois True Family Association calls for mandatory Sunday School attendance

The Illinois True Family Association wants all Illinois residents to have 120 hours of Christian Sunday School Education regardless of religious background. They issued the demand following the release of a video by YouTube user, UAJamie.

“This video shows incredible ignorance about the religion that is the basis of our government!” Said Paul K. Emerson, spokesperson for the ITFA. “It’s bad enough that most Social Studies teachers believe the country was founded on secularism. Now we see the result of their indoctrination: An adult that has never read the New Testament!

Emerson hopes that by requiring residents to attend Sunday school, it will bring the state together.

“We don’t give guns to criminals, why should we give driver licenses to people who are criminals in the eyes of the lord?”

The ITFA believes their law complies with the First Amendment because the government wouldn’t offer the Sunday school classes.

“If we’re going to require people to get health insurance from a private insurer, we should require them to get moral health insurance from a private church!”

Emerson says he fears for the future of Christianity, if their program isn’t implemented.

“Our state will be filled with debt and crime if we don’t embrace religion. It is this ignorance of the true religion that drives people to either worship the Muslim box, think a cow gave birth to the universe, or mutilate their genitals while ignoring their true King!”

The Babbler tracked down UAJamie, who goes by Jamie in the real world. Jamie, who is also the vice-president of The Women Thinking Free Foundation, says she stands by the video, and will put up with the hassles of Internet fame.

“It’s better to interviewed by The Babbler, than harassed by David Mabus.”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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