Monday, August 8, 2011

Sources: Bolingbrook looks into printing its own currency.

Could Bolingbrook have its own currency in two years? Sources with connections with family members within village hall say yes.

The sources say that village officials are concerned the recent stock market crash, riots in London, and S and P’s downgrade of the US’s credit rating will lead to a global economic collapse. Officials want to be fully prepared.

“Governments have printed currency for thousands of years.” Said Bill, one of the sources. “The village government, like most local governments, have delegated that responsibility to the Federal Government. It used to make sense, but if we lose the Federal Government, we lose our currency. We can’t have that.”

By preparing for an economic apocalypse, the village hopes it will be ready if the Federal Government collapses.

“If we plan this right, we could be come the currency of Chicagoland. Can you imagine the shame the Chicago Machine will feel having to pay people in Bolingbrook’s currency?”

David, who works at a graphic design firm, claims that Mayor Roger Claar asked him to send proposals for the new currency.

“Roger came up to the desk, slapped down some sketches of a bill and said, ‘Make me look good.’ I thought he was joking, and he replied, ‘Look at the news? Do you think that’s funny?’”

The currency, according to David, would be called “The Roger.” Lower denominations would be named after village board members. Higher denominations would be named after “select village residents.”

“I asked him if they would be named after donors to his campaign fund. He asked if I ever wanted his business again. I stopped asking questions.”

Paula X. Webb, an economics undergraduate at The University of Chicago, says Bolingbrook printing its own currency could benefit the Village in case of economic chaos.

“If transportation is disrupted, and the national government is weak, then Bolingbrook’s currency could be seen as a sign of strength. Therefore it would have a higher value than the US dollar. They could easily pay off their debt in Rogers and then run a surplus. Wow! That could mean that Bolingbrook would be become the new Naperville in a post-western civilization world.”

When asked to comment, Claar denied any plans to create a new currency or feared the collapse of western civilization.

“Besides,” Added Claar. “If I had to create a new currency, I would name it after former Mayor Bob Bailey! Then I would have to name some denomination after former Mayor Ed Rosenthal.” Claar later said, “If another mayor wanted to name a bill after me, I wouldn’t mind. But that’s not even academic. We would elect a Republican president before civilization fell. And don’t quote that out of context!”

Also in The Babbler:

Manchester Mumbler: Aliens behind London Riots
Skeptics reject call for “Elevatorgate” truce
Babbler offers condolences to the friends and family of Jeremy Asbell and Randy Suchy
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/13/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

edrosenthal said...

I'd like it to be the $100 bill. Then instead of a Benjamin it could be called a Rosie!