Monday, August 22, 2011

Mayor Claar gets approval to coverup ancient astronaut landing site

Did ancient astronauts trade with the Native Americans?
By Reporter X

Sources within the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs confirm that the 95TH Street Bridge extension bridge will destroy an ancient astronaut landing site.

“(Mayor Roger Claar) doesn’t trust the county government to preserve the area.” Said Donny, a source within the department. “So he thinks it is better to pave over the old landing site, than to wait for some utility worker to dig up the runway.”

According to some scholars, all of ancient humanity’s technological advances are the result of alien visitations. Famous ancient landing sties include Stonehenge, Egypt, and Nazca.

A few of those scholars believe that the Potawatomi tribe traded with space aliens over 2000 years ago. What is now the northern end of Kings RD was once their primary interstellar trading post. Other tribes, the theory goes, saw the floating lights, and assumed that they balls of fire. Hence the tribe became known as “The Keepers of the Fire.” After the aliens ended flights to the post, the Potawatomi were given the responsibility of keeping the ceremonial fire for the Odawa and Ojibiwas tribes.

Some of Clow UFO Base’s alien residents want the site to be preserved.

“The remains of this base should serve as an example of how to trade with other cultures.” Said Donloc Podock, a contributor to The Number Crunchers Clow. “The traders made sure to sterilize all their items before handing them over to the Native Americans. They also did market research to make sure they had items the local tribes would want. So they fairly compensated the natives for their items. Furthermore the traders didn’t need to steal their land to make a profit. Now Claar wants to bulldoze over this memorial to multiculturalism!”

Steve, a friend of Claar’s, says the site is too important to be allowed to exist. “He said, ‘Steve, we not only have to cover up present UFOs. We have to cover up the past. I think a layer of concrete will cover it up quite nicely!”

A spokesperson for the Potawatomi seemed interested in our account of their history.

“Wow! All I can say is that we could use people like you in our casino!” Said the spokesperson.

When called, Claar answered the phone and replied, “At this time, I am not going to be a guest on Top Gear, and if I were, I will not be driving their reasonably priced car! I insist on driving my campaign car!”

Also in The Babbler:

Anti-psychic kitty pans Nightline psychic special
Claar: No special railroad for ‘rail therapy’ business
Naperville man raises funds to restore second moon
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/24/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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