Monday, July 25, 2011

Sources: Google+ bans then reinstates Mayor Claar

Sources with relatives with connections to village hall confirm that Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar was banned from Google+ for 35 minutes.

All agree that they heard Claar yelling while in his office. One source goes a bit further.

“Roger came out of his office, and said, ‘Quick, how do I ban Google in Bolingbrook?’ I told him it was impossible. He replied, ‘Nothing is impossible if you have enough lawyers.’ Then he went back to his office.”

The source added that forty minutes later, Claar stepped out of his office, and said that everything was fine, and that Google could ‘remain on my Internet.’”

Google+ is Google’s entry into Social Networking. Supporters say that it is easier to use than Facebook and has better privacy controls. Critics say it has flaws, and disagree with its ban on anonymous users.

The sources say Claar was given an invitation to the Google+ beta test, and at first, seemed happy with the service.

According to a friend of Joan, who asked that we didn’t use her last name, Claar said, “You mean I can follow Bonnie’s comments about me, without being her ‘friend?’ I like it!”

Steve, a source close to Claar, said that a few days ago, Claar tried to show him Google+. To Claar’s horror, all of his Google accounts were suspended.

“At first he thought he was hacked, but then he got an e-mail explaining his ban from Google.” Said Steve. “I should know to bring earplugs whenever I meet Roger.”

While most people would have complained on the Internet about being banned, Claar, according to Steve, called Google. After several minutes of dropping the name of every elected Republican in Illinois, and mentioning how it would be too bad if he couldn’t approve Google’s request to build an office in Bolingbrook, Claar was finally connected to a Google+ team member.

The team member explained that Google thought Claar was a fictional character, and banned his account.

“We already banned Darth Vader.” Said the team member.

“The last time I checked, I was real!” Yelled Claar. “If you don’t explain yourself, you’ll be in real trouble. I still have influence in this state!”

The team member explained that Google became suspicious because Bolingbrook is spelled slightly different than “Bolingbroke.” Henry Bolingbroke is a fictional character in Shakespeare’s plays. After Googling his name, they found The Babbler’s articles describing Claar’s encounters with aliens. Google then decided Claar was a fictional character, and in violation of Google’s policies.

Claar, according to Steve, exploded in anger.

“Just because The Babbler writes fictional (expletive deleted) about me doesn’t mean I’m (expletive deleted) fictional! I’m flesh and blood and I have something to say about my village!”

Claar then accused Google of hypocrisy.

“Why is it OK for anonymous people to use Blogger to trash my name, yet you’d ban me because of the mere possibility I might not be real.”

Claar then threatened to use his campaign fund, “to publicize my plight! Because I am Bolingbrook and you can’t ban Bolingbrook.”

When team member argued that he could, in theory, ban Bolingbrook, Claar snapped, “Don’t even try it!”

After the conversation, Claar’s account was reactivated, and given a new “super private” setting. Claar is free to look at other Google+ accounts but only Google and his personal friends can see his account.

“Now Bonnie and her people can’t spy on me!” Claar allegedly said.

When asked to comment Claar laughed, and said, “No more social networks for me. I can’t keep up with all the Farmville requests Facebook sends me.”

Also in The Babbler:

Psychic unleashes bad vibes on TAM 9 attendees
Skeptics from around the world gathering in Chicago
Bolingbrook prepares for global economic meltdown
God to Smite Bolingbrook on 7/30/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

He should leave social networking to the 45 and under croud.