Monday, May 23, 2011

Entertaining The Brook

We’re proud to introduce our new arts and entertainment section, Entertaining The Brook. We hope this becomes the Ain’t It Cool News of Bolingbrook, with stories you’ll only read here. Here are a couple samples for our web readers. You’ll find the column in every print addition of The Babbler!

Karen Stollzkowski P.I’ films episode in Bolingbrook

The new web series, “Karen Stollzkowski P.I.” secretly filmed an episode in Bolingbrook.

“I think of it as ‘Bones’ meets ‘The X-files.’” Said star Joan Dunwick. “She’s a super bright character who takes on the purveyors of Woo Woo!”

“That’s ‘woo!’” A crew member yelled.

“I said ‘woo woo!’”

“It’s just ‘woo!’”

“Whatever.” Replied Dunwick. “I’m new to this whole septic thing.”

The crew member screamed.

Writer/Director Bill K. Stevens said he’s feels especially attached to the character. “She’s a strong, intelligent female, which we could use more of in the skeptical movement. Anyway, she’s smart, but she’s involved in a love triangle between a brutish thug who wants her to move to Colorado, and a kind, sensitive writer, who just wants the very best for her, but for some reason just can’t seem to win her affections because he’s just too much of a nice guy!” After clearing some tears, he added, “Oh, the character is not based on Karen Stollznow. She lived in San Francisco before she-- I need to film this scene.”

Though the show is based in Los Angeles, Stevens said they had to film a special episode in Bolingbrook.

“(The Babbler’s) Five Dollar Challenge to the Skeptic Guide to the Universe and the JREF has really riled up the skeptical community. So we had to do an episode about Bolingbrook.”

In the scene filmed near Hidden Lakes, Stollzkowski is tied up and surrounded by a gang. A man and a woman are addressing her.

“Our plan is simple.” Said the man. “We’ll save Bolingbrook’s economy by staging UFO appearances. The believers will flock over here, and the businesses will prosper! We can’t have you messing up our plan with your facts and science.”

The woman stepped forward. “Once you’re dead, and I complete my dissertation, no one will question me! I will make Bolingbrook the UFO capital of Illinois, and The Bolingbrook Bungler will help me!”

Stolzkowski, with a fake Australian accent, replied, “You forget, Not only do I have a PhD in linguistics, history, religion, anthropology, and psychology, and not only do I blog on 10 sites, and not only I am I a researcher for 5 foundations, I am also a trained escape artist, and I am a master of Australian Two Gun Mojo!”

The ropes fell to the ground, and she pulled out her two guns.

“Cut!” Yelled Stevens.

“Karen Stollzkowski P.I” is a joint production of CSI West and Independent Investigations Group of Los Angeles. The series will be announced at TAM 9, and will debut on YouTube in September.

Musical based on Mayor Claar to debut in July

In response to a Chicago theater’s play about Drew Peterson, sources say The Performing Arts Center will stage a musical about Mayor Roger Claar.

“This is not a vanity project.” Insists one source. “The Annoyance Theater and Bar is projecting a negative image of Bolingbrook. It’s our job to present a positive image of Bolingbrook. What more positive image than to tell the story of the longest serving mayor in Bolingbrook?”

According to the other sources, the play, currently titled, “Roger!” will tell Claar’s story from when he first moved to Bolingbrook to his defeat of Bonnie Alicea in 2009. While most of the songs are “traditional,” former members of House of Large Sizes will contribute songs to the production.

According to the second source, “I was such of fan of the House when I was in college. So when I heard about the musical, I looked up the lead singer. I asked what he was up to. He said he was bored and broke. I asked him if he wanted to write some songs for Roger! He wasn’t sure. Once I told how much he be paid, he was all for it.”

When asked to comment, Claar replied, “No jokes about gays and musicals! We have a big civil unions ceremony in June! I don’t want any complications!”

Roger! is set to debut in July and will run through October.

Also in The Babbler:

God spares humanity
Image of Claar seen at Bar Louie table
‘Blag Hag’ to sell ‘pre-apologies’ to sexist atheist speakers
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/29/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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