Sunday, April 17, 2011

Details emerge about Skepchick party in space

By Reporter X

Will there be worldwide reports of pink flying saucers with unicorn decals on July 16th, 2011? If so, they’ll be taking guests to the exclusive Skepchick party on asteroid 153289 Rebeccawatson.

Sources say that the famed female skeptical bloggers will be taking their infamous party to outer space. The sources say this party, held as part of The Amazing Meeting convention in Las Vegas.

“This party is going to be out of this world in more ways than one.” Said Donna, who asked that we not use her last name. “We’ll have plenty of games, plenty of booze, and plenty of space!”

The sources agree that this party is being co-sponsored by Interstellar Alliance for the Advancement of Science and The New World Order. The IAAS sees the party as a way to reward The Skepchicks for promoting science eduction and critical thinking among female humans. The New World Order sees the party as a reward for the Skepchicks efforts to distract attention away from alien visitations on Earth.

“Three times, the Martian Colonists have asked why they shouldn’t destroy the Earth.” Said Agent Red from The New World Order. “We listed Skepchick as one of the reasons, and we’re still alive. The least we can do is shuttle them to their asteroid for their party.”

While previous parties have taken place at The South Point Hotel, and undisclosed locations in Las Vegas, sources say this will be the first party that won’t have problems with the law or capacity. Unfortunately, this party will be the most exclusive.

“The Skepichicks love their fans.” Said Paula. “But the NWO says only people with clearance Alpha Nine will be allowed in. It’s sad, but think of all the room the guests will have!”

The theme for this year’s party will be 1950s science fiction characters. Guests are asked to come dressed as their favorite 1950s literature or movie characters. Prizes will be awarded, including the first Surlyramic made from Martian clay. This is in keeping with the outer space theme TAM 9.

“TAM 9 may be from outer space.” Said Joan. “But the Skepchicks are going to outer space!”

This will also be the first party to have an onsite child care center. While there were plans for an interstellar field trip, older children will instead get a tour of the Gagarin, the only Orion spaceship built by humanity.

Nuclear Engineer Dad was a member of the crew, and will conduct the tour.

“I was on a spaceship propelled by atomic bombs, and had a faulty reactor.” Said Nuclear Engineer Dad. “We were trying to reach a malfunctioning alien probe armed with X-ray lasers and we were on the edge of Martian Colonial Space. That was a risky situation! So I want to assure the kids that the damaged nuclear reactors in Japan are nothing compared to what I faced. Maybe they’ll feel better.”

Most of the facility has artificial gravity, but there will be a microgravity section that will have “adult activities.” According to the sources, one of the activities will be jump shots. Skeptical Sam will mix a drink and toss it into the air. Due to the low gravity, the drink will break up into spheres. Attendees will then jump up and try to swallow the spheres before landing.

The sources hinted that people who won’t be attending TAM will be attending the Skepchick party.

“Let’s just say that the girl with the bunny ears will be there!” Said Paula.

When asked to comment, Rebecca Watson accused The Babbler of interrupting “Skepchick Church.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that there will be a Skepchick party at TAM, but if there is a party, Lawrence Krauss, Brian Dunning, and Todd Shackelford are on the blacklist!”

Watson added, “We love our fans, but the parties became big and expensive. If we held it at the hotel, we’d have to rent a convention room, and only use the hotel’s food. I don’t have a home that I can mortgage to raise that kind of money.” Watson then if there were a party and a fan weren’t invited, the fan could go to the Penn and Teller party instead.

A Skepchick then said, “Hey Rebecca, tell The Babbler that I’m going to be the first mom to breast feed in space!”

“No, I am.” Said a second Skepchick.

“Ladies!” Said Waston. “Do I have to dust off my sermon on the two Skepchicks and the bottle of vodka?”

The Skepchicks said no.

“You can share your booze with a fellow Skepchick and still have enough to get drunk.” Said the first Skepchick.

Also in The Babbler:

Rahm:  I'm a Chicago resident and Obama is a US citizen
Donald Trump bids for Chicago's South side
Lisle trees certify election results
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/20/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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