Sunday, January 2, 2011

“Safe Fluids” PSA filmed in Bolingbrook

Image from a "Safe Fluids" PSA
The Safe Fluids Committee filmed a controversial public service announcement in Bolingbrook and hopes to release it later this month.

Explained SOF President Tonya Y. Edwards, “There are many things they’re not telling us, and we hope this PSA will educate the public about the fluids the government allows into our homes."

Edwards showed The Babbler raw footage of The PSA. In the video, Edwards is standing by Barber’s Corner.

“Did you know that an element found in bleach, acids, and nuclear weapons is flowing under your community?” Says Edwards.

Images of the victims of radiation are flashed on the screen. “Did you know that you could be giving this element to your children?” Pictures of innocent children are flashed on the screen.

Edwards is then standing in front of one of Bolingbrook’s sewage treatment plants. Covering her nose, she says, “These fluids have to be treated at taxpayer expense, before being released into the environment. Yet, some communities want to tax you to put these fluids into your home.”

She then concludes by standing in front of Bolingbrook's village hall.

“You have the right to demand safe fluids in your community. Tell your mayor and your representatives that you don’t want dangerous elements flowing into your home. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for the children!”

When asked about her claims, Edwards replies that Bolingbrook, and other municipalities, use “unstable quantum water, which contains hydrogen.

Explained committee member David Z. Epson, “In quantum mechanics, it’s all about probability and the observer. So there’s always the probability that large quantities of water will either turn into hydrogen peroxide or release its hydrogen. If an observer is in a bad mood, the probability of these quantums increases.”

Added committee member Carl Q. Quan, “This happens quite frequently, but they’re covered up as either gas main explosions or poisonings.”

Epson explained, “Please keep in mind, that we’re not anti-water. We’re pro-safe fluids. In 2007, water killed 3,443 people. That should tell you something. We should ask ourselves, why does the government want to put water into our homes?”

Epson denies the “popular myth” that water is a vital to living creatures.

“No one dies from too little water. They die from either too much or too little solar energy.”

Edwards admits that her family and her have a “water addiction.” She said that she will deal with their addiction once water is replaced with safe fluids. “It might take people dying from water withdrawal before the government will stop imposing water on us.”

When asked to comment, Mayor Roger Claar laughed and said, “All I l know is that I’m a father, and my daddy instinct tells me that water is vital to human life. Seriously, if someone thinks they can live without water, they should try to win The Million Dollar Challenge.”

Edwards seemed unconcerned by Claar’s remarks or a possible boycott by the skeptics movement.

“I’ve received countless e-mails from supporters, lots of donations, and we have numerous agencies who will distribute our PSA. We can’t be stopped.”

Quan then said, “Um, since when is two considered numerous?”

“Since you decided that you wanted to remain on my committee.” Replied Edwards.

Also in The Babbler:

Richard Saunders exiled to Chicago
Chicago Historian: Packers created by Satan
Bolingbrook election board rejects alien trustee candidate
God to smite Bolingbrook on 1/6/11

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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