Friday, December 24, 2010

Web Exclusive: Bolingbrook residents report owning genetically engineered Christmas trees

Have Frankintrees infiltrated Bolingbrook? Many readers believe so.

Donna, who asked that we not use her last name, says her cat tipped her off to her monstrous tree.

“Ms. Kitty used to play with every Christmas tree we ever bought.” She said. “Now she’s afraid of our current tree. I think its because it contains dog genes so cats will think it is a giant dog. The sales person denies it, but I feel its true.”

Doug, who also asked that we not use his name, claims that his tree is odd.

“I walking by my tree in the dark, because I didn’t want to wake up my wife. As I was going up the stairs, I noticed that my tree was glowing! I walked down the stairs and it stopped glowing. Like it knew I was watching it.”

Doug said that his wife claims he really saw a car’s lights reflecting off the tree decorations.

“She’s such a skeptic! I’m starting to think she’s in on it. Come to think of it, she insisted that I pick this tree.”

Paul Rackner, owner of Rackner’s Trees and Flowers, denies that anyone in Bolingbrook is using genetically modified trees.

“I certainly didn’t buy any trees from Denmark that were crossbred with jellyfish or wolfhounds! I knew you were going to ask me that!”

When asked to comment, DrJen, from Chicago Skeptics, replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. While you’re on the phone, I do want to mention that we will be hosting a special meetup about genetically modified food. It’ll be on December 28th at the Black Rock. It’ll start at 7:00 PM. It’s an interesting coincidence that The Babbler is also writing about genetically modified plants.”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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