Sunday, November 21, 2010

Skeptic Jeff Wagg seeks asylum at Clow UFO Base

By Reporter X

Skeptical activist Jeff Wagg sought asylum at Clow UFO Base after writing a blog post critical of Skepticon 3.

According to a security guard, “I was just eating my lunch when this bearded man ran up to the gate. He screamed, ‘The Treaty of Bolingbrook specifically states that any current or former employee of the James Randi Educational Foundation can seek asylum at this UFO base.’ He showed me his JREF Fellow card, and I pointed him to the hidden door.”

Another employee, who asked not to be identified, said that the Men In Blue escorted Wagg into highly secured area.

“He kept asking them if the base could withstand a siege from Talking Minnesota Land Squids. They didn’t say anything, but if we can hold off a Martian attack for 30 seconds, we can deal with those squids.”

Sources believe Wagg sought asylum at Clow following a strong negative reaction to a post on Indie Skeptics titled “Are Atheists Delusional? Thoughts on Skepticon3.” Wagg, the organizer of the first eight Amazing Meetings in Las Vegas, posted that he felt Skepticon was a mislabeled atheist convention, and disagreed with organizer JT’s assertion that, “skepticism leads directly to some brand of atheism/metaphysical naturalism.”

“Skepticism is about drawing conclusions that are proportioned to the available evidence. That’s it. And I think keeping the two things separate if vitally important.” Wrote Wagg.

Experts who spoke to The Babbler were stunned by swiftness of the backlash. Within hours, blogs such as The Friendly Atheist, Pharyngula, and Blag Hag attacked Wagg.

“This is concerns us.” Said GilGack, an overseer for the Interstellar Alliance for the Advancement of Science. “Skepticism is a method of thinking, not a set of beliefs. We will not let Earth into the greater interstellar community until skepticism is embraced by the majority of Earth’s population. This controversy could derail our efforts.”

GilGack would not say what would happen if humanity failed to embrace skepticism, but ruled out destroying the entire Earth.

“There is no need to destroy a perfectly good planet when you can just rearrange the surface.”

GilGack hopes that a blog counteroffensive, lead by Barbara Drescher and Kylie Sturgess will calm the skeptical movement down.

When asked to comment, a spokesperson for Kylie Sturgess replied, “Kylie cannot conduct an interview at this time because she is writing an e-mail to Jennifer McCreight explaining the flaws in her argument that kittens are cute.  True they are cute, but Jennifer's argument is still lacking!”

When reached at Skepticon, PZ Myers, told this reporter, “Who cares about Jeff? I just beat Rebecca Watson in a drinking contest!”

When this reporter called Wagg’s home, a woman replied, “Let me get him. Jeff! Why are you covering yourself in newspapers?”

“Urban camouflage!” Replied Jeff.

Also in The Babbler:

New World Order shuts down South Elgin UFO base
Ghosts can’t stop Wrigley Field football game
Source: Bonnie wants to shut down Clow UFO Base
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/26/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

badrescher said...

Very cute. But if you expect me to blog about it, you'll have to hire someone to grade papers while I write.

No, I think it's been well-covered, particularly by Kylie Sturgess.