Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Mayors of Bolingbrook: James Johnston (1974)

The second half of 1974 saw the opening of Bolingbrook High School. The first class of students also included 10 alien “observers.” Thus making Valley View the first school district in the free world to openly admit human and extraterrestrial students.


James Johnston also became mayor in 1974, and would not run for reelection in 1975. Though he didn’t have the shortest term in the history of Bolingbrook, he does have the honor of having the shortest published interview in The Babbler.

Village President call Romeoville’s annexation threat ‘nonsense’

Tensions between Bolingbrook and Romeoville escalated after Village President James Johnston abruptly end an interview with The Babbler.

The complete transcript of the Interview is below:

Johnston: Sorry for the delay. I had to finish writing a letter to a young man who’s trying to tell me how to run the village. He says I need to fix the divided village board.

Reporter: No problem.

Johnston: So let’s get this over with. I guess it’s a rite of passage for the village president to be interviewed by The Babbler.



Reporter: OK. Given the fact that Bolingbrook violated their agreement with Romeoville by annexing land south of I-55 in order to build Old Chicago, Romeoville has talked about annexing land north of I-55. My question is, if Romeoville tries to annex Clow UFO base, will you consider this an act of war, requiring the federal government to invade Romeoville, and if the Pleiades Confederation, as required by the treaty of Bolingbrook, assists militarily, how many causalities will you consider acceptable, how will you handle the antiwar protests, how will you stop the war from spreading to other suburbs, or will you just send us the Men in Blue to assassinate the Romeoville Village Board?

Johnston: (pauses) I don’t have time for this nonsense. (Hangs up the phone.)

Mark J Lindquest, an alien affairs analyst and advisor to The Babbler, called Johnston’s remarks irresponsible.

“I don’t think the deaths of thousands of innocent lives is nonsense.” He said. “Look at what happened at Kent State. Sure Nixon was following orders from the alien overmind, but that didn’t make it right. Now imagine it on a larger scale. We’ll be the most hated suburb in the world!”

A spokesperson for Romeoville, who asked not to be named also replied to Johnston’s remarks.

“We certainly do not consider the proud history of Romeoville to be nonsense. We’re named after a famous Shakespeare character! Bolingbrook is named after an obscure character and can’t even keep a village president in office. You know what, I’ll bet you in a few years the demoralized Bolingbrook board will approach the joint planning commission and beg Romeoville to annex them. Your village is nothing more than a passing fad, like Southwest Airlines! We are as immortal as PanAm!”

Johnston refused to give us a followup interview, but a source, who asked not to identified, said that if The Babbler ran this article, they would never again be recognized as a paper of record.

To this day, The Babbler still isn’t recognized as a paper of record, despite being Bolingbrook’s oldest publication.

Tomorrow:  Nora Wipfler becomes the second female mayor/village president of Bolingbrook, and she's ready to fight back against The Babbler!

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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