Sunday, October 10, 2010

Chicago Skeptics fail to capture Missy

Chicago Skeptics chase Missy, Lake Michigan's lake monster
Eyewitnesses claim that the Chicago Skeptics failed to capture the Lake Michigian monster Missy after a one hour chase along the North shore.

“When I saw Missy’s head, I wasn’t worried.” Said Paul, who asked that we not use his last name. “Then I saw this speed boat charging at her. That’s unusual become most of us either ignore her, or run away.”

David, who also asked that we not use his last name, claimed that witnessed the chase from his Jet Ski. “Missy was swimming faster than usual. I was wondering why when this white boat charged at her. It had the name, ‘Skeptiboat’ and there were a punch of people on it. One guy had a lasso, and there was a woman holding on to his belt. Another guy was videotaping the whole thing. I don’t know why they were hunting Missy. Everyone normally ignores her. She’s kind of a lame lake monster if you ask me.”

Donna, who insisted that we not use her name, also witnessed the chase from a beach. “I saw her head streaking across the water, and the black speed boat was following her. A few seconds, she dove underwater. The boat started circling. I was about to go back to sunbathing, when this sub was flung out of the water and crash landed a few feet next to me.”

According to Donna, a man and a woman climbed out of the sub. She heard the man yell into his cell phone, “What do you mean I’m not eligible for the million dollar prize. I’ve got footage of the Lake Michigan Monster!”

The woman walked up to Donna and apologized for having the “Skeptisub” crash so close to her. The woman explained that they were trying to help their friend, Dr. Pamela Gay. She was recently selected to be the cohost of The Skeptologists, but the show doesn’t have a network. The Chicago Skeptics, according to her, thought if they captured Missy, they could give The Skeptologists exclusive rights to the video. They could then use the video to negoiate a series deal.

According to Donna, the woman explained, "If we prove the existence of this monster, a network will give them a program to disprove all other monsters!"

After the conversation, the Chicago Skeptics attached a chain from the boat to the sub and dragged the sub back into the lake. By the time the Chicago police arrived, the skeptics were long gone.

When called, Dr. Jen, head of Chicago Skeptics, denied that they tried to capture Missy.

“I've never heard of Missy. We are, however, sponsoring a speech by famous skeptic Jeff Wagg about the myths and mysteries of Lake Michigan. He’ll be speaking at The Black Rock on 10/16/10 at 12:30 PM. Oooh! Be quiet. A man is trying to win the million dollar prize by teaching my cat a trick!”

In the background, a man said, “Look at the spider! Look at the spider! Good girl! Wait for it. Wait for it!” He paused for a few seconds. “Attack the spider!” He yelled.

The cat yowled and the man screamed in pain.

“I’m not a spider!”

Also in The Babbler:

Bonnie promises not to call Mayor Claar a corrupt stooge of space aliens
Giant walking bacteria spotted in the South Side
Orland Park to offer incentives for private space port
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/15/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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