Sunday, September 5, 2010

Letters to the editor: 9/5/10

Doug Fields here. Most of The Babbler’s staff is taking the weekend off. So they’ve asked me to feature some of the best letters we’ve received. Unfortunately, there were only two letters worth publishing. What’s the matter, residents of “The Brook?” Are you up for the challenge of getting published in The Babbler?

This first writer thinks he has the skeptical movement figured out.

To the Editor:

Everyday I read the skeptical blogs, and everyone of them is debating whether or not skeptics should be dicks! Why?

I’ve figured it out! It all started with Rebecca Watson! She produced the first “Don’t Be a Dick” video. That means this is a plot to make male skeptics feel guilty about being male and skeptical! Female skeptics are using male guilt to take over the skeptical movement. They won’t stop until every male skeptic is either silenced, or forced to have a sex change!

All you formerly skeptical men, join us. You can keep your “dicks” if you’ll just let us adjust your auras! We’ll turn you guys into believers in no time!

GO TO MY WEBSITE TO LEARN HOW! (Address withheld.)

Joe Lightman
Bolingbrook, IL

I think most male skeptics would rather give up their private parts than give up their precious “reason.”

This isn’t the only organizing that’s going on this week.

To the Editor:

Recently, an amateur ghost hunter died while searching for a ghost train. This is an unfortunate death.

Ghost hunting is serious business, and you don’t want just anyone poking around your home. That’s why I’m forming the Chicago Fellowship of Ghost Hunters Local One. You’ll be assured that your ghost hunter is properly trained through our apprenticship program. We’ll make sure that our ghost hunters have the proper equipment, aren’t over worked, and receive best insurance that isn’t a Cadillac plan!

So when you’re looking for a ghost hunter, look for the union label. Because you don’t want your nonunion ghost hunter to become your next ghost!

Jack Rexel
Chicago, IL

Have a safe a happy Labor Day, no matter what label you wear.

Also in The Babbler:

UIC cancels basketball game with Martian Planetary Team
Live Action Fantasy Football league starts at College of DuPage
Weredogs say Naperville has the best downtown in the Chicago Area
God to Smite Bolingbrook on 9/7/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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