Monday, August 30, 2010

‘Bad Universe’ show causes mass drunkenness in Chicagoland

Though no one died, dozens of people in the Chicagoland area had very high blood-alcohol levels following the premiere of "Bad Universe."

“It was that stupid drinking game!” Said Paula, a Chicago bartender. “One of my patrons brought copies of the rules and passed them out. It was good for business at first, but after 15 minutes, I had to cut people off.”

“Bad Universe” is a new Discovery Channel program hosted by Phil Plait, “The Bad Astronomer.” The mini-series discusses astroid collisions, black holes, and alien invasions.

Supporters of the show say it provide a humorous vehicle for Plait to promote astronomy. Critics say it suffers from too many explosions, and from Plait’s desperate attempt to come up with a catch phrase.

These flaws formed the basis of the “Bad Universe” drinking game. Participants have to drink whenever there’s an explosion, Plait asks to “press the button,” and every time he says his catch phrase.

Paula, a Bolingbrook resident, says the game ruined her “Bad Universe” party. According to her, things got out of hand 45 minutes into the party.

“Bobby started vomiting, and my soon to be ex-friends decided to see if they could deflect his ‘comets.’ I don’t want to tell you about the experiments! Ew!”

David, a Downers Grove resident, said his party came to an early end, thanks to the drinking game.

“I don’t drink, so I didn’t play.” Said David. “When I game out of the bathroom, my bud was passed out on the floor. I didn’t think much about it, so I drew an astroid on his forehead. After I noticed that everyone was passed out, I called 911. Good things my friends survived. Now we can laugh about this.

Area police departments wouldn’t publicly confirm a rise in alcohol related calls during and after the show. One Bolingbrook officer did concede that it was “unusual for a Sunday night.”

When The Babbler tried to call Plait’s cell phone, his wife answered. She urged all fans to drink responsibility when episode 2 debuts.

“Don’t drink like a dick.” She said. “I think that’s what Phil would say.”

She added that Plait was interviewing the President about science for a future episode of the show. Future episodes, she said, would be discuss serious issues while still being accessible to the public.

In the background, this reporter heard Plait exclaim, “Holy Haleakala! Can I push the button?” Several people yelled “No!”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

Brian_E said...

He needs to drop his 'Holy whatever' catch phrase - I'm not going to be able to put up with that long term; drinking or not!