Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Anti-psychic Kitty speaks: Listen to Dr Gorski, eat, drink and help vaccinate Klingons!


Note: As part of our legal settlement with the James Randi Education Foundation, we’re required to give column space to Anti-psychic kitty, the most skeptical creature on Earth. The views expressed in the column are not those of The Babbler, and may not reflect those of the JREF.
For the past month, I’ve had a toothache and a bump on my chin. I needed professional care. Instead, my caretakers at The Babbler decided to wave their hands over me, and pour water into my water. Every time I didn’t meow in pain or slept, they’d say their treatments were working. Obviously a cat can’t know about the placebo affect.  Of course not.  I just covered up my pain.

Finally, DJ Grothe ordered me to be sent to a real vet. Thanks to the Abbeywood Cat Clinic, my bad tooth is gone, and they removed the bump. Thanks to science-based veterinary medicine, I am healthy again. The Skeptvet would be proud.

But not all humans are as lucky as I am. Their big brains are fooled by Big Placebo into taking treatments that don’t work. Then they’re convinced that if they turn to conventional instead of "natural" treatments, they’re going against nature. As a member of nature, I say take what is proven to work.

You might say, “You’re a cat, what do you know about humans?”

My rational arguments transcend species! If I can’t convince you with my rational arguments, then you should listen to Dr. David Gorski. He’ll be speaking at the Black Rock on Saturday, August 21 at 12:30 PM sponsored by Chicago Skeptics. Gorski is the managing editor of the Science Based Medicine blog. I respect him for his strong support of human vaccinations, and for critically examining the claims of alternative medicine. He’s so effective, that Big Placebo spends so much time and energy trying to destroy him. I’m skeptical of their chances. Hee! Hee! Hee!

Why spend just an afternoon listening to Dr. Gorski when you can have drinks and food with him? There will be a reception that evening for a mere $35. What’s more, the money will go towards The Women Thinking Free Foundation’s vaccine clinic at DragonCon. They’ll offer free vaccines to restore herd immunity in geek community!

It’s a good cause. If I have to get my shots, then humans should get their shots too. More importantly, the more people that are vaccinated, the less the likely hood of diseases finding hosts. Not does that protect people who can’t be immunized, but eventually it can lead to the elimination of disease. Just ask the smallpox virus. Oh, you can’t. It’s locked up in a laboratory!

Oh, I tried to tell Dr. Gorski how I felt about him. Here’s how the interview went:

Gorski: So that’s how you get a bartender’s attention. Hello?

Me: Dr Gorski! It’s an honor to speak with you!

Gorski: Hello?

Me: I try to read your blog every time a reporter leaves their computer.  Well, after finish Respectful Insolence, of course.  Do you read that blog?

Gorski: Is this a joke? All I hear is meowing. I’m hanging up.

Me: Don’t pet my aunt Sidney!

Maybe the JREF or The Babbler can get me a better vocal translator. Until that day, I’ll just be content to walk on the keyboard until I produce a column.

So go see Dr. Gorski. Question everything he says, question everything his critics say, and then look at the facts. And remember that there is only one thing that’s certain: IMSOCUTE!!!

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

No comments: