Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Web Exclusive: Employment firm plans to ‘outsource’ PZ Myers

Could ScienceBlogs end PZ Myers strike by using replacement PZs? The employment firm Rainstand hopes the answer is yes. They’ve started an international search for replacement bloggers.

PZ Myers is a great concept.” Said Kenny J. Rhea, head of the Pharyngula project. “The problem is that it never should been given to a single individual.”

Rhea wants to replace Myers, who is on strike over the treatment of bloggers at ScienceBlogs, with a team of amateur bloggers. The bloggers would post anonymously under the PZ Myers handle.

“PZ was great, but his atheist and science posts were a bit wordy. Thats what happens when you give a professor a blog. He goes on and on and on. Then he expects to be paid because he can’t get academic publishing credit for his posts.”

The alternative, says Rhea, will be much better for ScienceBlogs.

“What skeptic or atheist wouldn’t pay for the honor of blogging under PZ’s name? This will make more money than the PepsiCo blog would have made.”

Rhea also promises that Pharyngula would “get back to basics” with the new bloggers. He showed some writing samples from prospective Myers.

“Here is a poll. It sucks. Go crash it.” Read one sample.

Another simply said, “Evolution made it!”

“If ScienceBlogs lets us have our way, we’ll turn Pharyngula into the LOL Cats of evolution web sites!” Exclaimed Rhea.

Jane Habens, a spokesperson for ScienceBlogs, denied that they were considering using replacement bloggers to resolve the strike.

“Mr. Myers is starting to come around. He said the strike might be over soon in his last post. That’s good because we’d like to find a way to draw his traffic into our new BP Environmental Science Blog without compromising (Myers’) marketability, I mean credibility.”

Myers was oddly calm when asked to comment. “Sure they can replace me with scab bloggers. As long as they stay away from squid inhabited waters, they should be perfectly safe. Oh, I hope they realize that there really is such a thing as the Minnesota Talking Land Squid. I bred them, and they worship me. In a sense.”

Myers then added. “They’ll never find a scab blogger with my knowledge and credibility in the science and atheist communities.”

Rhea giggled when told of Myers’ comment.

“Oh I can’t give away any details because we’re still working on them. We’re talking with a very special blogger. Let me give you a hint. It starts with a ‘b’ and ends in ‘quake.’”

Jennifer McCreight, who writes the Blag Hag blog and created Boobquake, denies that she’s in negotiations to replace PZ Myers.

“As much as I miss PZ’s blog, there’s no way I could try to replace him.” Said McCreight. “He’s my inspiration. I hope he straightens things out with ScienceBlogs.”

In the background a woman’s voice cried out. “Are you going to create a boobquake in our house?”

“No mom.” Jennifer replied. “I’m going to host a blogathon to raise money for the Secular Student Alliance. I’ll just be blogging for 24 hours.”

“The media had better not be camped out on our front lawn!”

“No mom!” Exclaimed Jennifer. “They didn’t camp out in front my apartment during Boobquake. They won’t do it for this.”

“I--”

“I won’t wear anything revealing either.”

“Does your dad know about this?”

“Yes.”

“OK, but I’d better not catch you playing Russian chat roulette.”

“Ew! No!”

After the sound of receding footsteps, Jennifer said, “Three more months and I’ll never live with my parents again. Three more months and I’ll never live with my parents again. Three more months and I’ll never live with my parents again.”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

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