Sunday, July 18, 2010

Naperville to demand recount in Best Places to Live Poll

A source confirms that Naperville will ask for a recount of Money Magazine’s 2010 best Places to Live List.

“There’s no way Bolingbrook ranks higher than Naperville.” Said the source. “Come on! It’s Bolingbrook! They don’t have a downtown!  They haven't had a decent attraction since Old Chicago!”

The source is confident that they can improve Naperville’s ranking with a recount.

“This wasn’t done with a simple head count. They used a complex formula. As everyone knows, if you make one mistake, it creates a cascade effect. We’re just going to ask them to reexamine the math to make sure they got right. We’ll pay the necessary fees to make it happen, of course.”

When asked why Naperville would spend taxpayer dollars on a recount, he replied, “We’re Naperville. We have a reputation to uphold. It’s just like copyright law. If you don’t defend your reputation you’ll lose it. In fact, we’re sure that after the recount, we’ll resume our title as the third best city to live in!”

When asked to comment Naperville Mayor George Pradel denied that the city was seeking a recount. “It’s just one list. We’ll just wait until the next list comes out and everyone will forget about this one.” Pradel then added, “When you factor in the intangibles, like our long history, our classy downtown, and a government that’s unhindered by a PhD dropout, I think Naperville comes out ahead of Bolingbrook.”

When this reporter tried to contact Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar, the receptionist said he was in the middle of an interview and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “First of all, I’m not retiring. Second, what the (expletive deleted) is a ‘running stamp board?’”

Also in The Babbler:

Astronomer Pamela Gay tells Wheaton church: ‘I’m not in league with skeptical Satanists!’
Schaumburg rejects vampire convention
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/15/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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