Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Web Exclusive: University of Chicago theologians fear divine coup

While atheists are laughing at a lightening strike destroying Touchdown Jesus, University of Chicago theologians fear something more sinister is going on.

“Someone has overthrown God!” Said professor Smith.

Smith says while churches have been destroyed for centuries, the destruction of Monroe’s King of King Statue goes beyond a test of faith.

“This is clear sign that Jesus is no longer king of the universe.” Said Smith.

Added professor Atkins, “This is just like the Taliban blowing up the Buddha statues, or Napoleon shooting at the Sphinx. Even the Parthenon falling apart. It a sign that one God has died, and another paradigm is taking over.”

Smith says that while he does not know who has taken over, he hopes it is a merciful divine being.

“We’re still receiving reports of miraculous survival around the world. So I have faith that whomever is in charge is still testing us, instead of failing to kill us.”

Atkins that this could be the dawn of a new age of theology.

“Instead of rehashing the old Christian arguments, we’ll have to figure what the new commandments are. If this God is as revealing as the last God, we’ll have centuries worth of publications, debates, and lectures ahead of us!”

“We can call our meditation time ‘research.’” Added Atkins. “The Divinity School will become the leading divine research university in the world!”

When asked to comment, Sherry X. Muler, host of the podcast, “I’m Cute and You’re Stupid,” had her own theory about the new God.

“It’s the Flying Spaghetti Monster! It has finally pulled down the three headed false God with its noodlely appendages, and resumed it’s rightful place as pasta of the universal sauce! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have frightened public to educate. Arr!”

When asked to officially comment, Wendy Evans, spokesperson for the Divinity School of the University of Chicago said, “Our faculty do not debate the existence, death, or live of God with anyone who does not have at least a Masters degree in Theology.  Even if Richard Dawkins earned said degree, we would still not debate him.”

While the Chicago Church of Lucifer leaders refused to be interviewed, they did release a statement saying they expect Lucifer to, "give the world a revelation about his current standing, and what changes people can expect in their divine plans."

(Photo borrowed from Blag Hag.)

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My understanding is that across the road is an adult bookstore.Did God miss?