By Reporter X
Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base will be on a Code 5 lockdown on Friday, the first such lockdown since 1968. No aliens will be allowed off the base for 24 hours, and no UFOs will be allowed over Chicago on Friday.
Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar said the lockdown is due to tomorrow’s Blackhawks victory parade.
“Due to local, state, federal, and New World Order budget cuts, we can provide the level of security required for our visitors to enjoy the victory parade. We also cannot assure that we can maintain our visitors cover due to the unprecedented media attention Chicago will receive.”
Claar announced that Clow will have a live feed of the parade, and promised that the Stanley Cup will visit Clow.
During the press conference, Jukuk, an alien from Proxima Centauri tried to throw a shoe at Claar.
“I traveled 4.2 light years to see the parade in person. Now you want to lock me in a base? You owe me 10,000 Bukicks!”
A smaller than normal contingent of Men in Blue restrained Jukuk before he could throw his shoe.
“You should have read the fine print of your visitor contract.” Replied Claar. “I always reserve the right to lockdown Clow UFO base. I can also require every alien to undergo a full body scan. Be thankful I’ve never done that!”
Sources within Chicago City Hall, say the real reason for the lockdown is because Mayor Richard Daley wanted to ensure that no humans would be crowded out of the parade and rally.
“It’s really popular to hate foreigners, even aliens.” Said a source. “So this is Daley’s way to appeal to the Tea Party without offending any immigrants, or minorities.”
When asked about the rumor, Claar simply said, “You would have to ask him. His home is at these coordinates...you might be able to reach him before the no fly zone goes into effect.”
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