Sunday, June 27, 2010

Highlights from the 6/22/10 Bolingbrook Trustee Meeting

UFO aerial acrobatic team to perform at Bolingbrook’s 4th of July celebration

By Reporter X

The Milky Way Singularity Trippers, an interstellar aerial acrobatic team, will be performing at the Bolingbrook 4th of July celebration.

Mayor Roger Claar made the announcement during the June 22nd covert affairs meeting.

“These people put on an amazing show.”  said Claar.  “I can’t even describe it.  I believe the term I believe young people might use is ‘gnarly to the max extreme.’  I’ll have to ask my daughter if that was the right term.”

Konbonic, Central Brain of the MWST, thanked Claar for inviting his team to perform over Bolingbrook.  Konbonic then announced that one of his pilots would attempt the Deterministic Loop.  According Konbonic, a pilot will turn off his relativistic compensators and accelerate faster then the speed of light.  The craft will then travel backwards in time then loop around and collide with itself in the past.

“Because the craft is following the laws of relativity, it will have to collide with itself in a way that allows it to keep flying, and complete the loop.  Its our way of teaching children the future is usually unchangeable.”

Claar expressed concern about the stunt, saying that he knew of instances where the future had been changed.  He cited the Bolingbrook Time War as an example.

Konbonic said that it is possible change to change the future but you can’t change hyper-time.

Claar stopped him.  “Temporal mechanics gives me a headache.”

Konbonic assured the board that all precautions would be taken.  Even though this will be the first time they’ve attempted the Deterministic Loop, he was sure it would work.

The team will perform over the Bolingbrook Golf Club during the firework display, which is expected to begin around 9:15 PM.  The spacecraft will be cloaked, but Clow UFO Base will be offering special goggles to their alien visitors.

Trustee Patricia E. Schanks asked if there would be a special prize for any human who happens to see the performing UFOs.

“They’ll get a special visit from The Men in Blue.”  Replied Claar.

BCTV performs emergency live edit of June 22nd broadcast

Bolingbrook Community Television producers successfully edited out classified material from the 6/22/10 broadcast of the trustee meeting.

While thanking the board for granting his new restaurant a liquor license, the owner said that he was going to have “alien nights” as his way of thanking Bolingbrook’s extraterrestrial visitors.  The board immediately gasped in shock.

“You can’t do that!”  Exclaimed Claar.  Claar explained that a business outside of Clow UFO Base cannot offer any special services to extraterrestrials without permission from The New World Order.  Claar said that only Area 613 has permission.

“Just serve good food and good drinks, and the aliens will drop by.”  Said Claar.

Producer Andy C. Conrad only had seconds to edit out the material before it reached the live feed.

“No one believes The Babbler.”  Said Conrad.  “But everyone believes what they see on BCTV.”

Lester said he activated the black box, a special computer used to alter video feeds before they’re sent out live.

“I was in such a hurry that I didn’t bother to look at what alternate conversation I selected.  I hope it wasn’t the one where it makes the subject offer special discounts to municipal employees.”

The feed was altered, and The Men in Blue altered the restaurant owner’s memory so it would match the live feed.  No one would say what story was sent out over the feed.

“I’m really happy I saved the day.”  Said Conrad.  “But I’m not looking forward to the Men in Black investigating me.  I understand they just want to make sure we didn’t abuse the black box for personal gain.”

Observers shocked as trustees answer questions at Bolingbrook Board meeting

No one was surprised when George Smith, former member of Citizens for a Better Bolingbrook, asked the trustees questions.  Observers were shocked when two trustees answered his questions during the same meeting.

Village Cyberneticist Claude credits a software upgrade to the trustee’s AI program.

“Before, it would take until the next meeting for a trustee for a trustee to formulate an answer.”  Said Claude.  “Even then we’d have to double check it to make sure it was an answer Roger would approve of.  Now we’re confident enough to let them answer questions at the meeting.”

Claude said that occasional votes against Claar are still possible, but should still be a rare occurrence.

When asked to comment, Claar replied, “I’d rather pose for your photographer than give any credibility to the rumor that my trustees are robots!”

Smith could not be reached for comment.

Also in The Babbler:

Experts: Bolingbrook may someday experience million year flood
Naperville vet gives cat bionic claws
Evanston anti-vaccination activist dies of rabies.
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/2/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.