To the editor:
Britain is on the verge of political chaos, and The Mumber is treating the election like a joke. Just look at this lead paragraph!
With the Tories coming up short, Labour limping into second place, and The Lib Dems failing to perform, the world looks in horror at Britain’s well hung parliament.
This may be acceptable for a Rupert Murdoch publication, but not for a true British publication! We have spent centuries building up a reputation as the most educated empire in the world, and The Mumber is trying to ruin it!
Your partnership is only encouraging them. If you really want to help them, why don’t you give their reporters visas, so they can leave the United Kingdom and never come back!
Otherwise, you are only encouraging the disintegration of Britain. Please stop!
My first thought: No.
My second thought: Bloody hell no.
OK, that wasn’t my second thought.
We support The Manchester Mumbler in their fight against pub crawling skeptics, and the UK Interstellar Office. Manchester residents deserve to know the true stories that The Manchester Evening News won’t cover. When Manchester police fought off invisible dragons, only The Mumbler covered the story. When street gangs started recruiting wizards, only The Mumbler warned the public. When Manchester needs the truth, The Mumbler is there!
The world is getting smaller and flatter. Our mayor, Roger Claar, recognizes this when he travels around the world to bring business to Bolingbrook. What happens in your “empire” affects us too. So when we see our sister publication under attack, we will stand up for her! Because when you attack The Mumbler, you attack The Babbler! To quote a certain prime minister, we will never surrender!
As for your hung parliament, I’d be more concerned with the UK Independence Party efforts to resurrect Oliver Cromwell than The Mumbler’s writing style.
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.