Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Web Exclusive: Babbler invited to The Amazing Meeting

After decades of animosity, skeptic James Randi invited The Babbler to participate in his Amazing Meeting in Las Vegas.

“He’s going to send us more information,” Said publisher Chris Olson. “So far, all we know is that we’ve been invited to send a representative to their Ham panel.” Olson added, “I want to assure the residents of Bolingbrook that we will offer of vigorous defense of all things pork. We’ll defend the love of eating a succulent ham, and we won’t be afraid to argue about mystic powers of bacon in front of a gang of 1000 soulless skeptics!”

Babbler editor Sara Langston said that none of The Babbler’s psychics would attend TAM this year.

“TAM, as they like to call their convention, is like a black hole of negative psychic energy. When our psychics can figure out how to compensate for that energy, our psychics will apply for the million dollar prize. This year, we hope The Skeptics Guide to the Universe will accept our $5 challenge as a show of good faith. Debunk any of our stories, SGU, and we’ll give you $5. That’s $5 for five skeptics!”

When asked to comment, Randi replied over the phone, “Let’s just say that I have a very special surprise for you guys.”

Randi then mentioned that he knew The Babbler’s original publisher, John Olson. According to Randi, the two met in 1964.

“John was trying to hire me to perform at a fund raiser.” Said Randi. “He said he was going to start a newspaper for town that didn’t exist yet. Then he went off about Soviet mind-control satellites. That when I knew your founder was full of woo.”

Olson then bet Randi $1 that he couldn’t guess what he was drawing on a notepad.

“He said that only a psychic could know what he was drawing. I just glanced at picture as he flipped the page.”

According to Randi, Olson then refused to pay Randi, claiming that he really had some kind of power.

“I didn’t need the money, but I was willing to prove a point. Then I thought that if I was willing to take a challenge, then psychics, faith healers, and others should be willing to take the challenge too. So I wrote my own check and promised myself that I would give it to the person who could convince me they had supernatural powers. Thus, the challenge was born, and I owe it all to the man who started The Babbler.”

Randi then promised that any psychic or reporter The Babbler sent to TAM would be safe.

“They might even come away a million dollars richer.”

Near the end of the interview, a man in the background said, “I love you. I love you more. I love you more than I disbelieve in ghosts. You hang up. No, you hang up.”

“Excuse me.” Said Randi.

Seconds later, the man yelled, “Where’s my phone? It just vanished!”

This reporter then heard Randi say, “He loves you so much that he can’t hang up the phone. So I’ll do it for him. Catch you later hon.”

Seconds later, he sighed, and said, “Kids these days.”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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