Sunday, April 18, 2010

Icelandic elf charity: Rebecca Watson hates elves!

From the pages of The Greater Manchester Mumbler:

Despite the humanitarian crisis facing Iceland’s Huldufolk, donations to the Save the Icelandic Elves charity have dramatically declined.

“Elves are dying because of the eruption of Eyjafjallajokull.” Said Carl Mitchell, Director of STIE. “They’re calling out to the British Isles for help, and no one wants to offer a single pence to them.”

Mitchell blames the American expatriate Rebecca Watson for their financial woes.

“I called Rebecca Watson to ask her for a donation.” Said Mitchell. “She said that the elves caused the eruption of Eyjafjallajokull and were responsible for her missing NECSS.”

According to Mitchell, Watson said, “I am going to tell all the Skepchicks and all British skeptics to drive your organization into bankruptcy!”

After the phone call, Mitchell said contributions to his charity dropped to zero.

“What did those poor starving, ash covered elves ever do to her?”

When reached for comment, Watson denied ever speaking to Mitchell, denied the existence of the Huldufolk, and denied leading a boycott against STIE.

“Let me guess.” Said Watson, “Someone from The Bolingbrook Babbler moved to the UK and started your rag. Because you guys suck just as hard as they do.”

In an informal phone survey by The Mumbler, Five percent of respondents believe Icelandic elves need help, 75 percent believe Iceland wants to destroy the UK economy, 20 percent believe Iceland is a terrorist country, and one person warned The Mumbler not to “use any part of my name in your (obscenity deleted) stories!”

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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