Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Babbler’s readers speak out 3/21/10

Hello. Doug Fields here. It’s been awhile since we’ve responded online to our many letters. The truth is none of them have been worthy of an online response. That unfortunate streak ends this week.

The Brook Report says the considered 50 applications before selecting four new writers. We think this person was the unlucky 51st applicant.

To the editor:

Teh Brook Report didn’t look at my application! You’re readers should no what your doing to expose this to Bolingbrook’s 1 million resident.

I want to be like my hero’s on the Fire Department, or the grate employee at Meyers!

(Quotation marks added by The Babbler because this sentence is from The Brook Report.) “Before you pass judgment, figure you?re own and you will find yours are similar to this residents!”

Name withheld by request
Bolingbrook, IL

Let’s just say we hope their new staff members won’t copy other articles, and will proofread the articles they do write.

Form letters seem to be the rage these days. This week, five different people sent us the same letter.

To the editor:

Why won’t (newspaper) denounce (Organization’s name) for (objectionable action) involving (member of the Claar family)? Can’t you see that (objectionable action) will (dire fate for Bolingbrook)?

Don’t let Roger bully you! (Obligatory reference to Bolingbrook Golf Club and Clow Airport.) (Offensive description) like Roger must be stopped!

(Your organization’s name) is (appropriate action) you!

(Your own paragraph)

Names deleted
Bolingbrook, IL

Folks. If an issue is that important you, take the time to write a letter in your own words. If you can’t write a letter, then sign a petition. If you can’t do that, at least fill in the blanks before sending us a form letter.

We also received this link from a Bill Smith. Either this is an Internet viral video, or Mayor Roger Claar is a supporter of the Swedish Broadcast Fee.

He also writes:

Why not a story on "old bessy" the 100+ pound albino Catfish that
Ed Kusta spoke about at the Grand opening of Whalon Lake?

Bolingbrooks answer to Loch Ness Monster?

An answer to the Loch Ness Monster? Not that we need one, but I think that honor should go to the Hidden Lakes Monster. Which makes Hidden Lakes the smallest body of water known to have a lake monster.

Lake Whalon has an amazing backstory, and we will reveal it in a future issue.

Thanks to the bloggers at Skepchick, our web site is starting to gain international attention. Unfortunately that means getting letters like this:

To the editor:

You have to post a link to this video! The Medical Establishment is persecuting homeopathy like the Nazi’s persecuted the Jews! SPREAD THE VIDEO!

The Internet

It’s a very powerful video. Until you realize that the Nazi’s took homeopathy seriously enough to research it. They didn’t suppress it.

I also had the chance to speak with Reporter X, and he told me that no known advanced alien civilization believes in homeopathy.

So I guess the producer of this video believes that giving water to sick people and selling it as medicine is kosher. In that case, this video is an offensive combination of antisemitism and Godwin’s Law.

Our new partnership with The Manchester Mumbler prompted this e-mail:

To the editor:

The Manchester Mumbler is an offensive publication that makes The Daily Mail seem like an Oxford Journal.

You are helping The Mumbler spread its ridiculous stories and allowing it to embarrass the good residents of Greater Manchester.

Please stop.

Jenny King
Manchester, UK


A Naperville resident asked us a question.

To the editor:

I know I have the power to find my husband’s remote, no matter where it he puts it. He thinks I should apply for the James Randi Education Foundation’s million dollar prize.

I don’t know. I’ve heard they use psychic powers to make people fail their tests. Should I try? I mean, The Skeptics Guide to the Universe won’t accept your $5 dollar challenge. Why should I take (the skeptics') million dollar challenge?

Name withheld by request
Naperville, IL

Good question, and the answer is you should take their challenge. Every psychic who fails the test improves our knowledge of anti-psychic energy. Someday, we will learn how to counter their energy. You can be a part of that effort.

Also keep in mind that most of the JREF members don’t realize they have anti-psychic powers. They’re not “mean” people. They’re just blinded by their “science” and “skepticism.”

Just make sure you confirm that you really have a power. Don't assume that you do.  Have a local expert test you.  If you do have a power, then take a chance. You could win a million dollars!

As for the SGU, you should take a chance too. If you can debunk any of The Babbler’s stories on your podcast, we will give you $5. It’s that simple.

Finally, we’ve received several links to this video. This may not be safe for work, and it is an excellent argument for banning rap music!

Also in The Babbler:

James Randi: Reading The Babbler didn’t make me gay!
Bolingbrook police fear “Kick Ass” copycats
Phoenix Experience will not be moved to Clow UFO base
Lisle trees to reconsider Navistar move
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/27/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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