Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Web Exclusive! Sycamore farmer repels Chinese invasion!

A Sycamore farmer may have saved Chicago from a Chinese invasion!

According to Robert Parks, he was walking around his fields around 4am when he saw a giant drill burrowing up from the ground.

“It was like one of the Center of the Earth movies.” Said Parks.

At first, Parks just wanted to politely tell his subterranean visitors to get off his private property. When he pointed his flashlight at the emerging craft, he saw a red star on the side.

“That was a Chinese star!” Said Parks. “They must have drilled all the way from the other side of the Earth!”

Realizing that he only had seconds to act, Parks aimed the M4 assault rifle that he just happened to be carrying over his shoulder, and opened fire on the craft.

“I always knew I would need it for protection.” Said Parks.

Parks believes must have hit a fuel line because a second later, the craft exploded. The explosion knocked him to the ground, and the seismic shockwaves could be felt as far away as Indiana.

Moments later, Parks heard the sound of helicopters approaching. Fearing that they were coming for his gun, Parks hid behind some trees.

The helicopters landed, and, instead of going after Parks, soldiers dressed in black sealed the hole, and repaired Parks’s field.

“That’s the only time the government did something nice for me.”

Experts consulted by The Babbler believe that craft was part of a Chinese invasion of the US. They note that the former Soviet Union had access to a Tesla weather machine, and it is possible that the Chinese have their own.

“It is possible that they used the weather machine to cripple Chicago, and then tunnel their way over here.” Said retired army private Mark Williams of Bolingbrook.

Other experts say they noticed increased activity from the Soviet mind control satellites over Illinois around the same time as the explosion.

When this reporter called the Chinese Consulate General in Chicago, a woman laughed and hung up the phone.

A dispatcher at the Bolingbrook Police Department insisted the shockwave was really an earthquake then hung up.

Mayor Claar could not be reached for comment, but some eyewitnesses claim to have seen him emerging from the basement of the Bolingbrook Golf Club around noon. The Golf Club is believed to house the one of the village’s disaster command centers.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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