Sunday, January 31, 2010

Abducted skeptic released at Clow UFO Base

By Reporter X

After four months, aliens released YouTube skeptic Captain Disillusion at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base.

“After many long and arduous hours of negotiations,” said Phil Plait, blogger for Bad Astronomy and former president of the James Randi Educational Foundation, “I’m please to announce that Captain D is back!”

“Parents around the world can relax now that Captain Disillusion will soon return to his full time job of persuading children not to trust YouTube!” Said DJ Grothe, current president of the JREF. “They will soon believe that all ghost videos are done with simple stage tricks, and all UFO videos are computer generated!”

Captain Disillusion became a YouTube sensation about two years ago when he posted a video debunking the slapping penguin video. He later moved on to debunking the Haiti UFO video, and the Gas Station Ghost video. Though he raised eyebrows in the skeptical community when he claimed a goddess named Holly was obsessed with him, he has been fully embraced as a skeptical entertainer.

“Captain D has played a vital role in perpetuating the great cover-up to adults and children alike.” Said Grothe of the silver skinned hero.

According to Plait, Captain Disillusion was abducted in September after completing a long delayed review of The Amazing Meeting 7. While the aliens erased the videos on his home computer, the JREF already had a copy of the completed videos.

“After all he’s done to coverup the presence of aliens on Earth,” said Plait, “I was stunned that an alien crew would abduct him.” After hearing the news, Plait stepped down as the JREF president, to negotiate Captain Disillusion’s release. “He’s the greatest skeptical superhero ever! How could I continue to administer the million dollar challenge knowing that Captain D was being probed?”

Grothe suspects that rouge British mentalist Darren Brown was behind the abduction.

“Darren knew that the Captain’s video was delayed because he wanted to debunk his video where he correctly predicted the winning lottery numbers. Since that would destroy his career, Darren must have gone to Cardiff UFO Base to bribe a UFO crew into abducting Captain D.”

Both men said the British Commission on Interstellar and Intergalactic Relations is investing Brown and will decide his fate at the end of his current “series.”

Captain Disillusion joined Grothe and Plait at the press conference and thank both men for securing his release.

When asked about his future plans, Captain Disillusion replied, “First I’m going to recover from my six nightmarish hours of captivity by getting drunk with Elyse. Then I will go home and release my TAM video before 2010.”

Plait explained to Captain Disillusion that while six hours had only passed by to him, four months had passed by on Earth. It was already 2010, and Elyse can’t drink because she’s pregnant. He added that Elyse and her husband would be more than happy to have him visit their home.

A disappointed Captain Disillusion then asked if Rebecca Watson was still married. When told she still was, Captain Disillusion replied, “Darn.”

Also in The Babbler:

Skeptic survives homeopathic suicide attempt
Reptoid files suit against YouTube in Clow’s Interstellar Court
Navistar promises to replace diesel tanks with tesseracts
Governor Quinn begs Illuminati to give him the election
God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/14/10

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

1 comment:

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