Adam Savage, cohost of The Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters, crashed a class K09 Class UFO into Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO base.
Although the spectacular fireball could been seen up to five miles away, no one died in the crash, and Clow was operational after one hour of covering up the accident.
According to a Clow space traffic controller, Savage sent out a distress signal Saturday morning.
“I was chatting with a Vega freighter, when I heard this human screaming for help.” Said the officer, who asked not to be identified. “My thought was, ‘Oh great, an abductee must have grabbed the controls of a space ship.’ Then he started spouting Martian flight codes, so I figured something was really off.”
Savage told the officer that his compass was spinning, and his navigation system was malfunctioning.
“I asked him if he was flying a K09, and he said yes. I told him that was his problem. The K09 is incompatible with the Earth’s magnetic field.”
The officer cleared Savage for an emergency landing at Clow. After guiding Savage into Bolingbrook air space, the craft’s propulsion system failed, and it crashed into the civilian airport runway.
“I knew (Mayor) Roger (Claar) wasn’t going to be happy with this.”
According to Savage, now recovering at the Clow medical lab, he was split in half as he blown out of the craft.
“I remember looking down, and feeling lighter than normal. Then I hit the ground. Now that really hurt. Then I felt something hit my head. I opened by eyes and saw my crotch in front of me. Now I’m not that flexible, so I kind of realized what was going on and thought I was going to die. Which reminds me, you know the myth about your life flashing by you when you’re dying? Busted.”
Savage credits Clow advanced medical equipment for saving his life. Clow’s doctors were able to reattach Savage’s lower body and replace most of his organs. Savage says it he’s sore, but has no scars or permanent damage from the accident.
“Sure, at the time it was horrifying, but now I can look at the high speed and go, ‘I was split in half! Cool!’”
According to Savage, The Mythbusters were filming a commercial for the interstellar broadcast of the Super Bowl. LoGock Industries wanted them to “bust” the myth that the K09 malfunctions once it reaches Earth. The ad was to be similar to the Diesel Diary ads on their web site. Savage and the Build Team went to Mars to assemble a K09 from a kit. Savage would then fly the craft back to Earth while the rest of the team followed in a more modern craft.
This reporter managed to listen into a teleconference between the build team and a LoGock representative. The insurance representative accused the Mythbusters of deliberately crashing the craft.
“You are always blowing things up!” Sad the representative. “If you did a story about bunny reproduction, you guys would find a way to include an explosion!”
Tory Belleci objected. “Some times we just set things on fire!”
Added Grant Imahara, “We followed the instructions exactly. Any problems are due to your design. Besides, we wouldn’t have crashed a ship with Adam in it. We would have waited until he landed at Area 51 and then crashed the ship by remote control.”
The representative sounded unimpressed. “Maybe if Kari hadn’t been forced to stay on Earth and feed a parasite, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“That’s my baby!” Yelled Kari Byron over the screen from her home. Byron, who was feeding her daughter, defended the Build Team, saying that she oversaw their work by reviewing their daily transmissions from Mars.
“Even though Jessi can’t replace me, I think she did a good job with the metal work.”
“I don’t want to replace you!” Protested Jessi Combs. “I just want my own spin-off show!”
Mayor Claar briefly visited Savage in the hospital. He claimed to have never seen Mythbusters, then asked, “Are you related to Michael Savage?”
When asked to comment, fellow Mythbuster Jamie Hyneman laughed and said that Savage was standing next to him.
“I think the myth that The Bolingbrook Babbler is a reliable source of information is throughly busted!”
Also in The Babbler:
Snow spirits trap Skepchick Elyse in her home
God accepts responsibility for Bear’s poor season
North Pole officials investigate Claar for “Santa Tampering”
God to smite Bolingbrook on 12/25/09
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.