Sunday, November 1, 2009

Bolingbrook Mayor from 2044 visits present day mayor

Sources tell The Babbler that the Bolingbrook Mayor from 2044 traveled back in time to visit Mayor Roger Claar.

One source, who asked to be called David, described the future mayor’s arrival.

“I was walking towards the front door when I saw a flash of light, and a white sphere appear in the drive. I thought it was a UFO, so I yelled that they needed to park at Clow, and take the subway to Village Hall. A woman, I’d say she was in her 60s and looked kind of familiar, stepped out of the craft. The craft vanished, and she said, ‘I will be the mayor of Bolingbrook, and I demand to speak with Roger!’”

Other sources confirm that the five Men in Blue and one Man in Black, escorted the woman to a secured meeting room. The sources agreed that she correctly answered their coded messages, confirming that she access to mayoral level codes. When Mayor Claar walked into the room, the Man in Black objected, citing current regulations. The woman replied that regulations had changed in her time, and she had information about a future disaster. Claar replied that the 9/11 exemption applied.

The Man in Black recommended against speaking with the woman because there was no way to confirm the accuracy of her information. He also said that by talking to Claar, the future mayor might change the future to one that is not favorable towards her.

Both mayors angrily looked at the agent, and said, “I am the mayor of Bolingbrook, and I can do whatever I want!”

Claar then smiled and said to the woman, “I taught you well.”

Village Attorney James Boan then asked the agent to join him in another room, so they could fill out the necessary paperwork for “cross-temporal interactions.”

While The Babbler couldn’t find a complete transcript of the two hour conversation, sources did provide some details.

One sources says the future mayor told Roger that Robert Bowen, a member of Citizens for a Better Bolingbrook, will be elected mayor in the future.

“But thanks to the liberal recall rules they passed, we were able to hold three recall elections before his scheduled inauguration.” Said the future mayor. “When they realized we weren’t going to give up, he resigned. I think he moved to Florida along with the rest of his followers.”

She also credited CFBB for her political success, according to another source.
“Because of their districting referendum, I am able to draw up district boundaries that ensure that my trustee candidates always win. No one bothers to run against my candidates anymore. In fact, the mind-webs are filled with rumors that Bonnie was really working for you.”

“I wish that were true.” Claar allegedly replied.

“Well, I let the opposition rename the water recycling plant after her. It shut them up for a while.”

Later, some sources overheard Claar say, “But they said it was a myth!”

“You’ll find out that they’re really raising money to build private space stations. Oh, and we won’t be invited onboard.”

“Damn them!”

A village employee, who asked to be named Jenny, said she saw Claar and the future in a hallway. They looked what she thought was a camera and made silly faces. Then the future mayor disappeared. Claar sighed, and when she noticed Jenny, said, “I am going to speak with the former director of H2o and I will not be disturbed!”

Other employees claim that after the meeting, Claar started soliciting construction bids for underground shelters. He also asked the DuPage Township to increase their stock of liquor.

One claims that he overheard one of Claar’s phone conversation.

According to the source, he said, “Thanks for donation. You bid, however, is not eligible because I don’t think it’s real. Oh, and tell Glasgow I’m not amused!”

One employee claims to have seen Claar and Trustee Rick Morales discuss these actions.

“If there is a one percent chance that Bolingbrook will be hit by a hypercane, then we should be safe and build underground shelters. If there is a one percent chance that the survivors of this hypercane will need to barter for food and medicine with booze, then I will tell Bill Mayer to stock up on liquor! And if the businesses helped by my actions want to donate to my campaign fund, I will let them! I have grandchildren to think about!”

When asked to comment, Claar denied the entire story and replied, “Why can’t you guys be more like your webmaster? He wouldn’t be calling me at 2 a.m., I mean 1 a.m.. Whatever, it’s too damn early!”

When reached by The Babbler, she denied have a longer conversation with Claar or being pregnant.

“Preggers? As if! I have better things to do with my time than hang out with grody men. Like spreading the good news to the left coast about JC or catching gnarly waves like this one! Oh no, I’m wiping out for Jesus!”

Also in The Babbler:

More Chicago men consider pink a masculine color
Sources: Public Option will not cover space aliens
Navistar denies plan to store nuclear waste in Lisle
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/15/09

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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