Sources: Mayor Daley blames failed bid on inflatable stadium disaster
According to the sources, a German company offered to build an inflatable Olympic stadium for Chicago. Though it would have been the largest inflatable structure ever built, it would have been cheaper than building a normal stadium.
“For some reason, Daley didn’t want a permanent Olympic stadium.” Said a source. “I thought it was stupid since we’d spend money building it, and then spend money tearing it down. The German’s idea made more sense. We’d inflate the stadium for the Olympics. After the games we’d deflate it, then store it for another occasion, like a U2 Concert.”
When city officials toured a test building at a secret test site in Western Illinois, the structure collapsed. Mayor Daley and the other officials, who were in the top level VIP Skybox, were unharmed, but very angry. It was later determined that Margaret Daley snuck in a pair of high heals, and, after putting them on, ripped a hole in the floor.
Mayor Daley didn’t apologize for his wife’s actions. According to a source, he said, “She was conducting a stress test. We can’t expect women to come to this event and not wear high heals.”
When told that it would take six months to repair the building, Daley replied, “I want German quality, not German slowness! You guys made the autobahns! Why can’t you make things quickly?”
Daley, when asked to comment, told this reporter, “Why are you so mean to me? We just lost the Olympics, and now you want to ask me crazy questions? Hang up right now, or I will give your Mayor a huge donation to his campaign fund, and tell him to make sure your newsroom doesn’t have any building code violations! It worked for me against the Tribune company!”
Mayor Claar: Clow UFO Base could have made money off the games
(Reporter X) Don’t count Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar as a Republican happy about Chicago losing the Olympics.
“There are many alien Olympic fans.” Said Claar. “We could have had aliens from as far away as Andromeda coming to Bolingbrook. Just ask the administrators of Oslo UFO Center.”
According to Claar, Bolingbrook could have raised $100 Million from alien landing fees had Chicago won the games.
“We could have used that money to pay off the bonds used to fund construction of The Bolingbrook Golf Club, and paid people to move into Americana Estates.”
Experts consulted by The Babbler estimate the revenue from landing fees at closer to $10 million.
Press release condemns Obama for not going to Denmark.
Five minutes before President Barack Obama made his presentation before the Olympic Committee, The Babbler received a press release from Illinois for America First, condemning Obama for not making a presentation.
“Barack Hussein Obama doesn’t love America enough to defend her honor on foreign soil!” Read the press release. “After all we’ve done for the world, you would think they would just give us the Olympics, and we could use the revenue to pay for the war against Islamic Communist Fascists!”
When this reporter called the group, a spokesperson denied sending the release. “Everyone knows that the Olympics are un-American. Obama is wasting my money by going to some foreign country and begging for these games. It’s disgusting behavior like this that makes me want to succeed (sic) from the USA.”
When someone in the background announced that Chicago lost in the first round, several people in the background chanted what to this reporter sounded like “CSA! CSA!”
Also in The Babbler:
Skeptic Rebecca Watson exiled to England
Bonnie: Bolingbrook web page is playing tricks on me!
Time traveler: Fergie is not so 3008!
NFL trying to turn pink into a masculine color
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/15/09
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.