Saturday, October 10, 2009
Obama saves Earth from Martian bombs
By Reporter X
Sources with relatives working at NASA tell The Babbler that President Barack Obama saved the Earth from annihilation by Martian Colonies.
Two weeks ago, the Colonial ambassador sent an ultimatum to the world’s governments: Destroy the LCROSS probe or be destroyed! The Colonial Government said the lunar probe’s impact site was too close a colonial Earth observation station. Any damage to the station, would be considered an act of war, said the Ambassador.
“LCROSS doesn’t have self-destruct charges.” Said a source. “We were going to our own moon, not Mars. We regularly destroy billion dollar Mars probes at their request. They’ve never cared about lunar probes before.”
Because the Martian Colonies are one of the most advanced civilizations in the galaxy, experts agree that Earth has no defense against a Martian attack. So many world leaders began planning their escape.
Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar wasn’t one of them.
“I didn’t want to spend rest of my life as a refugee.” Said Claar. “So I said good-bye to my daughter, made my peace with God, and sent Leroy Brown to the Clow command center. I was going to make him the last surviving Bolingbrook resident as punishment for voting against me!”
Minutes before the Colonies' deadline, Obama and the ambassador announced that they had worked out a compromise. NASA would strike a different crater, and the Colonists agreed not to destroy the Earth.
“We understand that this solar system has room for two great civilizations.” Said Obama speaking at Area 51. “Do we always agree? No. Can we get along? Yes, we can.”
The Martian Colonies embassy released this statement to The Babbler: “Your previous leader was as smart as Glack Fungus. Your current leader is as smart as Cave Mold. Your civilization has made considerable progress in a matter of months.”
The world’s leaders showed their appreciation by persuading the Nobel Committee to give Obama the Peace Prize.
Not everyone was totally pleased with Obama’s success.
“I’m glad he saved my life.” Said Claar. “But before the deadline, my wife and I threw our own party. When I woke up, I had the worst hangover ever. I wanted to impeach Obama for giving me this hangover! Because there’s no way we’ll be able to beat him in the 2012 election now!”
When The Babbler tried to reach the President, a White House spokesperson laughed at this reporter and hung up.
Also in The Babbler:
NCAA investigates Buffalo Wild Wings for game tampering
Bonnie spotted on Europa!
Psychic: No Cubs World Series this century
The Phoenix Experience: CFBB is an unacceptable alternative!
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/22/09
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.