By Reporter X
Illinois atheist Rob Sherman and Space Pope Lacoxo MMI engaged in a heated but peaceful debate at Clow UFO base on Wednesday. A worldwide and interstellar audience watched as the two debated whether the existence of alien Christians proves the existence of God.
“Why do so many alien species have stories of a son of God who sacrificed His lives for His followers?” Asked Lacoxo. “Why are their stories so similar to Jesus’s story? It must mean that God sent His Son throughout the universe!”
Sherman offered an alternative explanation. “It’s funny how the Universal Catholic Church wasn’t formed until after the rise of Christianity on Earth. It’s almost as if they converted to Christianity after spying on medieval Europe, and then tried to retrofit every other alien religion into Christianity.”
Lacoxo counted with an example of the Christ of Lira 5.
“A friend gave Him a bath and then died a few days later. That’s the baptism. A Quagmot swallowed Him and spat him out. He skipped over the water seven time before landing feet first on the ground. That is the affirmation that He is the continuation of the laws of the Old Testament, and an example of Him walking on water! He was betrayed by 100 of his followers, which is number divisible by 1, which was the number of the follower who betrayed Jesus Christ. Though His arms were cut off, He held out His Stumps. Obviously he was trying to make the shape of the cross. How do you explain this, Mr. Sherman?”
Sherman laughed, and said that since he was given a spacecraft, which he calls, “The Flying Sherman Object,” he has investigated each “Christ” the Church recognizes.
“There’s one who did a belly flop into vat of red goo. They say that because he stretched his arms out, he was trying to form the cross, and the red goo was the blood of salvation. Another had dinner before he disappeared. They call that the Last Supper. Another cursed his mother constantly. Another was cloned, and they call that the virgin birth. There are so many alien races out there that it is no surprise that some will have myths that are similar to Christianity. It reminds me of a science fiction story I read in a humanist magazine.”
Sherman then accused Lacoxo of hypocrisy because the “Christ” of his home world forbid mountain climbing because only He should be able to look down upon the world.
“Yet you fly around the Galaxy and look down upon many world. Shouldn’t that be an affront to God?”
Lacoxo countered that the ban only applies to mountains on his home world because God created them so his “Christ” could look down upon the world. Only people on his world who attempt to climb a mountain blindfolded and without any equipment are allowed to. Mountain climbing equipment is banned on his home world.
“If God wants them to climb the mountain, then they will climb the mountain. Using rope is sinful, and leads to bondage and pleasurable sex.”
Near the end of the debate, two guest questioners were introduced via satellite. Pope Benedict XVI and Professor Richard Dawkins were introduced and they were allowed to ask each of the debaters a single question.
Pope Benedict XVI asked Lacoxo if he recognized the authority of the Catholic Church on Earth. Lacoxo replied that after reading the Pope’s writings, he decided that, “You need to be educated about the truth of Jesus. You should leave the Papacy to real Christians like myself.”
Benedict turned off his camera, and did not leave a question for Sherman.
Dawkins asked if Lacoxo the existence of space Christians is really proof of the infectious nature of the Christian Meme. Lacoxo angrily disagreed.
“Read your Earth history so-called professor! Christianity doesn’t spread by itself. It is spread by followers either teaching the word of God, or by beating nonbelievers into enlightenment!”
Dawkins then asked Sherman about his claim to be one of the top two atheists in America. Dawkins then mentioned famous American atheists, like James Randi, Hemant Mehta, and Michael Shermer. He then asked if Sherman would like to be on a reality TV show, hosted by Dawkins, to determine America’s top atheist.
Sherman chuckled, and said that he no longer wants to be America’s top atheist, but is aspiring to something higher.
“Now that I have The Sherman Flying Object, I want to travel the stars and be known as the top atheist within 10 parsecs.”
When asked why he didn’t want to be known as the top atheist in the universe or even the galaxy, he smiled.
“There is a race in this galaxy, called the Nilians, that not only don’t believe in God, they don’t even believe in their own existence. I’m not even that hardcore.”
When The Babbler tried to reach Sherman, his daughter answered the phone. She denied that her father has ever debated a space alien, and refused to believe that her father owns a space ship.
“I think you’d better hang up now, or else my dad will have one of his LONG talks with your publisher.” She said.
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