Sunday, August 16, 2009

UFO rides a hit at Bolingbrook Jubilee

By Reporter X

During this year's Bolingbrook Jubilee, several VIPs and their families got to take a ride on a UFO.

"This is an opportunity to maintain good relations between Clow UFO base and the community." Said Carol Dunnsworth with the Department of Interstellar Affairs. "Many people are afraid of our alien neighbors because they're worried they might be abducted, or get in trouble with our covert facilitators. These flights will show a select few that the aliens are our friends, and why it is important to keep them a secret from the mainstream media."

The Tau Ceti Empire loaned a luxury class cloaked shuttle for the Jubilee. Most the guests sat in the observation deck as the craft levitated to 13 miles above the Earth. During the 20-minute trip, many looked out in awe while village officials lectured them about the importance of Clow UFO Base to the local and national economy.

"I can see Bolingbrook from space!" Said a 12 year-old boy during one of the trips. "It's so small!"

"The Chicago area looks like one big city." Said Mary, who asked not to be identified. "Maybe we should stop thinking of ourselves as suburbs, and start thinking of ourselves as one big community. Wow. I haven't thought that way since the 1960s."

Some VIPs, like Mayor Roger Claar, could spend their time in UFO's bar deck, and take as trips as they wanted to.

"Our interstellar neighbors have been very generous to us." Said Claar during one the lectures. "Clow UFO base now employs 10 percent of Bolingbrook's residents. The technology generated from Clow is responsible for 70 percent of the jobs in the Chicago area. That's why I work everyday to make sure we can provide them the best home away from home."

During the last flight on Sunday, Claar invited Bolingbrook Jaycees president Sean Buckley for a ride.

"Sean," Claar said during the flight, "I thought your group was telling The Babbler that they were unhappy that the village didn't provide them with a free office. But my investigation proved that this wasn't case. So I want to say, thank you for making this year's Jubilee a success."

Buckley accepted Roger's gratitude and added, "Roger, we secretly control all of Bolingbrook's businesses. We don't need the office space. We just want to keep offering Bolingbrook a great Jubilee experience!"

Buckley later told this reporter, "This spaceship is great. It has a great bar, and a great view. Not only that, but it can travel several hundred miles per hour, and the ride is so smooth, that I haven't spilled my soda once! Hopefully we can offer UFO flights every year! If this is what alien abductions are really like, then they can abduct me any time they want!

The Tau Ceti Ambassador said they would seriously consider loaning the ship out for the 2010 Jubilee.

Also in The Babbler

The rest of the universe is flying away from Earth!
Lisle trustee Kim Brondyke gives free kickboxing lesson to Babbler staffers
Baby-eating atheist keeps Naperville teaching job
Valley View School District suggests that students get a werewolf vaccination

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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