Thursday, May 14, 2009

Letters to the Editor: The $5 dollar challenge

Doug Fields here. Recently, we received this letter from a curious reader.

To The Babbler:

Why are you guys always going after the folks at The Skeptics Guide to the Universe? They live in New England, not Illinois. Why should care what they think about the supernatural?

In fact, what's the harm in their skepticism? When I was a kid, I still got presents from Santa, even though most of my friends stopped believing in him years ago. It was their loss!

So why should we care what The Novellas and their friends think?

Robin Grossman
Bolingbrook, IL

Good question. When I tell people that I work for The Babbler, some of them thank me. They thank me for showing them that there is more to Bolingbrook than strip malls. They take pride knowing that we are the home of the world's largest urban UFO base. They love to learn that our mayors are renowned all over the galaxy, and even revered as heroes in the next millennium. They love to discover the wonders that lie hidden within Bolingbrook. We bring so much happiness to Bolingbrook.

But those five New England skeptics want to destroy that. They want you to believe that Bolingbrook is nothing more then a bedroom community. That Clow Airport is really a taxpayer funded hanger for a bunch of private planes. That we have nothing to offer the world but strip malls, and a mayor with an over-funded campaign account.

They won't stop "debunking" until our readers are devoid of hope. If we let them destroy our civic pride, our schools will fail, home will go into foreclosure, teens will disobey their parents, and gangs will rule the streets. That's why the SGU is hardly harmless. They say their world is all there is and all we need. I say, have they been to RT 53 and Boughton lately?

In fact, I'm going to give them a challenge. I challenge them to "debunk" The Bolingbrook Babbler on their podcast. If they succeed, I will donate $5 to the New England Skeptical Society. It's that simple. That's more than they normally get paid to debunk anything.

Sadly, it's more likely we'll hear about Rebecca Watson's steak dinner with Jenny McCarthy before we hear them talk about The Babbler.

Sadly, we’ve been getting a lot of negative mail about Bonnie Kurowski-Alicea. Some of you have been commenting about her weight and her sense of fashion. Really folks, that is unacceptable.

In fact this letter, which the post office finally delivered to us, illustrates my point.

To The Babbler:

Have you seen Bonnie lately? She just finished a round of plastic surgery, and got a total makeover! She looks like a supermodel now!

Bonnie is too pretty to be our mayor. The other mayors will either be distracted by her, or won't take her seriously.

I'm going to vote for Roger Claar. He's a real person with his manly beer gut, and thinning hair. Let's keep it real with Roger!

Name withheld
Bolingbrook, IL

People will go after her no matter what she looks like. So to all you readers out there, let's stop talking about looks, and lets focus on the issues. Like will Roger cancel his automatic yearly pay raise, and will Bonnie ever release her list of the 140 villages that don't have a village property tax?

So keep on writing Bolingbrook, and I'll keep on editing you.

Also in The Babbler:

UFO pilots union threaten to blockade Clow
Bigfoot gangs terrorize Aurora
Time traveler pans Star Trek sequel
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/23/09

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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